Submitted on Thursday, February 26, 2009
By: Lisa
Age: 24
Location: Brisbane, QLD
Question: Victor…tell me, should I let this go right now?

I recently decided to try online dating. Ever since I put up a photo I’ve been bombarded with messages, ‘winks’, emails and all. Because I’m very picky and know exactly what I want I’ve been saying no to most guys. Because I get contacted a lot I don’t initiate anything. I do get sent ‘matches’ every week by the website and although I do take a look I don’t take any action. One guy in these ‘match’ emails however caught my attention BUT I wasn’t going to email him or make any sort of a first move. I figured if he sees me and is interested he’ll do something. And he did! So first he ‘winks’ at me and I wink back two days later. He immediately emails me and says he doesn’t know what to say because he’s nervous. Says he’s ready for a committed relationship but likes to start off as friends, tells me where he lives, what he does, where he went to school etc. (It so happens we went to the same college).

I don’t want to be too eager so I reply to him two days later and make general chit chat…no moves to ask him out or anything – once again, if he’s interested he’ll ask.

Two days after that I get an email from him, he gets a little flirty and gives me his personal email address. He ends the message saying "hopefully we can meet up for a drink soon, James x"

I saw the message as soon as he’d sent it but wanted to think of a response before I jumped in and replied. Two days after he’d sent it I replied to him and said I was up for a drink (but again I left it up to him to initiate the when and how and so on). While I was figuring out what to reply with I could tell he was checking my profile online – I assume he was wondering why I wasn’t replying to him.

Now the problem comes – it’s been three days since my email and nothing from him. He also hasn’t been on the website since he came to check up on me.

Should I wait it out a bit more or should I forget it now? Do you think he's interested in at least meeting up?

I know he could have other dates lined up but I just want to know what’s going on. It’s driving me insane seeing that I’m so picky and this one caught my attention and he was never suggestive or improper. And I was thinking maybe now that he’s got me interested he’s not interested anymore but hang on…this is a dating website, you’re there to meet people and date them right?

And I’ve done some detective work – he’s who he says he is, so he’s not married, etc…

VictorM's advice:

When it comes to online dating services, girls seem to be looking to pinpoint the one perfect guy and put all her eggs in that one basket. Guys, on the other hand, will contact many women and expect to meet lots of them before finding the one.

There's a very good chance that he has invited several other women for drinks and must coordinate these contacts and schedule himself carefully to meet as many women as possible. That might not suit how you think things should be, but that's the way they are. You're but one of many profiles he's looking into. Play too hard to get and well, there are others willing to go for drinks.

Funny that you think nothing of making him wait a couple days for no reason at all, but when he does it to you, it throws you off. Besides, who knows... maybe he's busy, on holidays, in the hospital.

You may or may not have held his interest. Time will tell. Meanwhile, that is a dating site. And there is only so much you can tell from a profile. The perfect guy for you may be a lousy profile writer, while the biggest jerk in the world could write very well. So don't put too much stock on the profiles. Get your money's worth and go on dates. Wink guys too. It shouldn't be a one way street.