Submitted on Tuesday, January 27, 2009
By: Monita
Age: 25
Location: NY
Question: I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we've had our fights in the past but never stayed mad for more than 5 days. We had a big fight about 20 days ago, over something his friend told him about me. his friend told him that i was at a club flirting with the D.J and that I was having drinks with him all night... totally not true! I went with my male cousin to that club and my boyfriend knows him. My boyfriend called my cousin to clarify things and my cousin totally messed things up even worse by telling him that it was my idea to go to that club and that I knew people there. I confronted my cousin and he denied it.. and I know my boyfriend is a very honest person so he wouldn't make that up. My boyfriend was very angry at me and started saying all this crazy things about me being a liar and that I didn't respect him. I tried calling him the next day and he said he couldn't talk to me because he was still angry.. then i tried emailing him after a couple of days and he didn't respond. finally after a week I tried calling him again and he send me a text saying there wasn't anything to talk about. it's been almost weeks now and I haven't called him back or emailed because i wanted to give him some space so he could be less angry. My clothes and jewelry are still at his place and he hasn't even tried to contact me about that. what do you think i should do? please advise!!!!

VictorM's advice:

I get a sense that his reaction is not just about this night club misunderstanding; it probably is the cumulative of all these other fights over time. Basically, the night club issue is the straw that broke the camel's back.

Send him an email with you side of the story, and end it with this: "What your friend told you simply is not true but if it makes you happy to believe him over me, so be it." Do not apologize since he's likely to see an apology as confirmation of guilt.

Will it work? I doubt it. Not only is there a long history of fighting between you two, but this notion that your cousin messed up and his friend lied sound like too much to ask.