Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Playing hard to get
Submitted on Tuesday, January 06, 2009
By: michelle
Age: 18
Location: arizona
Question: I know it's good to play hard to get with guys, but how do you know if you are overdoing it, or if it is coming off the wrong way? also, if you act a little mean (just a little), is that hard to get also?
i also had one more question. when should someone want to be in a relationship with you, or at least ask to be exclusive. like i have seen some of the people on here asking about someone they have dated or hooked up with for six or eight months, and you said if the guy didn't want to be exclusive with them at point, he wasn't really into them, or they weren't the one. but when do they first start to make that decision? and how much time or how many times do you need to go out before they should be bringing that up with you? i mean, assuming you have not slept with them yet.
thanks!
k, victor, sorry for the fifty questions, but this is my last one. i just think you give really good advice!
so my final question is, how do guys feel if you tease them a little when they are asking you out or when they are out with you, if you are not boyfriend and girlfriend yet? i mean does it hurt their feelings, or does it make them like you more? for example, by teasing, i mean pretending like you will say no to the date (but you show that you are joking) or you will not go out with them again or something like that. and if you do hurt their feelings that way, what should you do?
VictorM's advice:
Playing hard to get implies you want to be gotten, so it means keeping him close, seeking you out, wanting to be with you, and you cutting it a bit short, keeping him a bit off balance. If the guy is shy or insecure, if you come on too strong, or mean, you might just scare him away. You never want to do that. You want them to keep reaching, just that you move away a little, but you want to stay close enough that they keep trying.
But listen, the whole point is to get guys to get to know you without feeling they have reached the end of the line too easily. So it only pays off if you allow for enough circumstances when you two talk and get to know the other.
(Now, just between you and me... shhhhh... don't tell anyone but a little mean, just a little, sometimes works if the guy is confident enough).
As for how long before getting exclusive, I don't have an answer for you. So much varies on circumstances (how often you see each other, culture, religion, etc.) that I couldn't tell you. It boils down to your intuition and level of comfort.
Guys generally like being teased. Teasing is a form of attention and guys love to get a girl's attention.
Michelle... maybe you should consider not playing so many games. :)
By: michelle
Age: 18
Location: arizona
Question: I know it's good to play hard to get with guys, but how do you know if you are overdoing it, or if it is coming off the wrong way? also, if you act a little mean (just a little), is that hard to get also?
i also had one more question. when should someone want to be in a relationship with you, or at least ask to be exclusive. like i have seen some of the people on here asking about someone they have dated or hooked up with for six or eight months, and you said if the guy didn't want to be exclusive with them at point, he wasn't really into them, or they weren't the one. but when do they first start to make that decision? and how much time or how many times do you need to go out before they should be bringing that up with you? i mean, assuming you have not slept with them yet.
thanks!
k, victor, sorry for the fifty questions, but this is my last one. i just think you give really good advice!
so my final question is, how do guys feel if you tease them a little when they are asking you out or when they are out with you, if you are not boyfriend and girlfriend yet? i mean does it hurt their feelings, or does it make them like you more? for example, by teasing, i mean pretending like you will say no to the date (but you show that you are joking) or you will not go out with them again or something like that. and if you do hurt their feelings that way, what should you do?
VictorM's advice:
Playing hard to get implies you want to be gotten, so it means keeping him close, seeking you out, wanting to be with you, and you cutting it a bit short, keeping him a bit off balance. If the guy is shy or insecure, if you come on too strong, or mean, you might just scare him away. You never want to do that. You want them to keep reaching, just that you move away a little, but you want to stay close enough that they keep trying.
But listen, the whole point is to get guys to get to know you without feeling they have reached the end of the line too easily. So it only pays off if you allow for enough circumstances when you two talk and get to know the other.
(Now, just between you and me... shhhhh... don't tell anyone but a little mean, just a little, sometimes works if the guy is confident enough).
As for how long before getting exclusive, I don't have an answer for you. So much varies on circumstances (how often you see each other, culture, religion, etc.) that I couldn't tell you. It boils down to your intuition and level of comfort.
Guys generally like being teased. Teasing is a form of attention and guys love to get a girl's attention.
Michelle... maybe you should consider not playing so many games. :)
Comments:
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
how much playing hard to get once in a bf/gf relationship? Late 20s, late 30s relationships
# posted by 
: 3:26 PM
: 3:26 PM
I really do think it's best to keep the guy guessing, for life. Once a guy is 100% secure in the relationship, more often than not they get lazy. So... it's not really playing hard to get per se, but you should have a life without him too. Spend time with friends, have your own hobbies, etc. Don;t be with him all the time.
Follow-up message from Michelle:
hanks for your answers. they are great! i just had one more question. what does it mean if you are out with a guy and he will occasionally touch you or even give you a compliment, but he always avoids eye contact? i have seen him make eye contact with other people, and i think he made eye contact with me when we first met (in fact, he was staring at me) and talked the first time, but now whenever we go out, he will not look in my eyes or even my face and sometimes he even leans back while he is sitting next to me. he will look at other people who are sitting at the table with us, but not at me, even if i stare at his face. he still asks me out after we hang out and calls me and he told me he thinks i'm really pretty, but does this mean he doesn't like me anymore and i am just convenient for him? also he told me he thinks i am not interested in him even though i always sit right next to him and look at him and listen carefully when he talks.
thanks for your help!
hanks for your answers. they are great! i just had one more question. what does it mean if you are out with a guy and he will occasionally touch you or even give you a compliment, but he always avoids eye contact? i have seen him make eye contact with other people, and i think he made eye contact with me when we first met (in fact, he was staring at me) and talked the first time, but now whenever we go out, he will not look in my eyes or even my face and sometimes he even leans back while he is sitting next to me. he will look at other people who are sitting at the table with us, but not at me, even if i stare at his face. he still asks me out after we hang out and calls me and he told me he thinks i'm really pretty, but does this mean he doesn't like me anymore and i am just convenient for him? also he told me he thinks i am not interested in him even though i always sit right next to him and look at him and listen carefully when he talks.
thanks for your help!
Sounds like he likes you, but he seems uncertain about how you feel about him. But the lack of eye contact, given your other descriptions, is a dead giveaway that he likes you.
Follow-up message from Michelle:
Ok sorry to keep writing you but I really trust your advice! So if he is uncertain that i like him, how can i make it more clear? i am generally shy around people i like (I know, who isn't?), but i try really hard with him to be outgoing and friendly, and i always touch him and listen to him carefully and look at him when he speaks (even though he won't look at me or make eye contact). sometimes i almost feel like i am being annoying and obvious, especially when he wont even make eye contact with me. one time after i did not hear from him for a while (i did something that upset him...long story) i even went so far as to invite him to come meet me where i was (at a party with my friends) but he did not come. anyway last time i spoke to him he said i did not seem interested in going out with him, and i said i definitely was, and he said we should go out soon, and we left it at that without setting a date or anything, and that was days ago. what do you think i should do next? should i ask him out? should i just wait? is he playing games to try to get control over me? also, in case you can't tell, i am very suspicious in general, haha.
Post a Comment
Ok sorry to keep writing you but I really trust your advice! So if he is uncertain that i like him, how can i make it more clear? i am generally shy around people i like (I know, who isn't?), but i try really hard with him to be outgoing and friendly, and i always touch him and listen to him carefully and look at him when he speaks (even though he won't look at me or make eye contact). sometimes i almost feel like i am being annoying and obvious, especially when he wont even make eye contact with me. one time after i did not hear from him for a while (i did something that upset him...long story) i even went so far as to invite him to come meet me where i was (at a party with my friends) but he did not come. anyway last time i spoke to him he said i did not seem interested in going out with him, and i said i definitely was, and he said we should go out soon, and we left it at that without setting a date or anything, and that was days ago. what do you think i should do next? should i ask him out? should i just wait? is he playing games to try to get control over me? also, in case you can't tell, i am very suspicious in general, haha.
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
