Submitted on Sunday, January 11, 2009
By: Lena
Age: 25
Location: California
Question: Hi,
I have known this guy and dated him casually for a few months now. We always meet up somewhere usually kind of last minute...aka making plans the same day... and we haven't gotten to the point where I am sure that we are guaranteed to see each other the next time. Usually he will invite me out, but occasionally I will invite him, and we almost always hang out with other people. I am sure that he does not consider it friendship because he flirts with me, makes moves on me, etc. and we kissed once. Anyway, I have been guilty of trying to seem a little uninterested so that he isn't bored too quickly (waiting to call him back, being very cool towards him once in a while), and he has started contacting me a little less, etc. My friends say that I am overdoing it though, and that he thinks I don't like him, which I know I have accidentally done in the past with other guys although I am trying to be forward by inviting him out once in a while.

So my first question is, how do I tell if he is pulling back a little because he thinks I'm not that interested (and do guys even do that?) or, is he pulling back because he just doesn't like me that much anymore?

The second question is about a specific situation. He asked me if I wanted to hang out about a week ago and followed up a couple of days ago asking if I was free that night, and I said ok, but he called a little later and said he was feeling really sick and asked if we could go out the next day. I said ok and that was the end of the conversation. Now the next day rolls around, andddd you guessed it... I didn't hear from him. What should I do? Should I wait a few days and call him or message him, or something, maybe asking how he's doing? Should I just wait ? Was he blowing me off?

Thanks for the advice!

VictorM's advice:

Sure, guys can pull back if they detect no interest, but nothing that you did seem to arise to that level. For example, your delay in calling back probably went by unnoticed because guys simply are used to doing the same thing as a natural course of events. Guys don't call right away and they don't expect you to.

What's happening is that you're filler. You're filling in the time until he finds someone he's passionate about. Clearly you haven't risen to that level even if he enjoys your company.

As for the second question... his statement that you would go out the next day, in guy talk doesn't mean it's a promise. It's just a parting comment to indicate he still wants to go out with you sometime, maybe. It's just an attempt to get off the phone on a positive note.

I don't see why you should wait to call him. He said he was sick. Wouldn't it have been polite to call the next day to ask how he felt? I think so. Maybe he still doesn't feel well, even now. Call him and find out.