Monday, December 29, 2008
What is considered chasing?
Submitted on Sunday, December 28, 2008
By: Amy
Age: 21
Location: California
Question:
I saw on your website you are always saying not to chase a guy... but what is considered chasing? We are not officially dating yet, but we have hung out like five or six times. I have known him for like two or three months. In the beginning, he asked for my number and asked me out. For the first month or so, I only replied to his calls and texts and never contacted him first. But like three times, i have texted him first and said, hey how is your weekend, or hey what are you doing? without actually asking him out (and sometimes he would ask me out then but not always). also, one time i texted him and asked what he was doing that night and we texted back and forth and i told him to call me that night if he wanted to meet up (he said OK but he never called). also one time i texted him and he said he was going out of town, so i said, let's hang out when you get back. other than those times, he has always texted me first. so is that considered chasing?
VictorM's advice:
Your repeated requests to meet up is chasing him, yes. You're putting out there your interest to want to be with him, and by making it so easy on him, he pulls back. That's a very typical reaction.
There's a difference between getting his attention and letting him know that you want to be with him.
I suggest one of two things: either just get his attention (light flirting, asking how's he's doing, etc.) so that he's enticed and curious about your intentions, or, if you're not the patient kind, directly ask him out: "Let's meet Saturday, at 7:00 and Angelo's pizza." The very passive "let's hang out" gets you nowhere, as you have been finding out.
The first way allows him to do the work of chasing you, which most guys like. The second way cuts to the chase and if he's not interested in you, the answer will be obvious and you can move on.
By: Amy
Age: 21
Location: California
Question:
I saw on your website you are always saying not to chase a guy... but what is considered chasing? We are not officially dating yet, but we have hung out like five or six times. I have known him for like two or three months. In the beginning, he asked for my number and asked me out. For the first month or so, I only replied to his calls and texts and never contacted him first. But like three times, i have texted him first and said, hey how is your weekend, or hey what are you doing? without actually asking him out (and sometimes he would ask me out then but not always). also, one time i texted him and asked what he was doing that night and we texted back and forth and i told him to call me that night if he wanted to meet up (he said OK but he never called). also one time i texted him and he said he was going out of town, so i said, let's hang out when you get back. other than those times, he has always texted me first. so is that considered chasing?
VictorM's advice:
Your repeated requests to meet up is chasing him, yes. You're putting out there your interest to want to be with him, and by making it so easy on him, he pulls back. That's a very typical reaction.
There's a difference between getting his attention and letting him know that you want to be with him.
I suggest one of two things: either just get his attention (light flirting, asking how's he's doing, etc.) so that he's enticed and curious about your intentions, or, if you're not the patient kind, directly ask him out: "Let's meet Saturday, at 7:00 and Angelo's pizza." The very passive "let's hang out" gets you nowhere, as you have been finding out.
The first way allows him to do the work of chasing you, which most guys like. The second way cuts to the chase and if he's not interested in you, the answer will be obvious and you can move on.
Comments:
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Follow-up comment by Amy:
thanks for the advice. i wanted to know what you think i should do next to fix the problems i made by chasing him. last time we spoke (which i initiated by texting him asking how things were going), he said he would call me soon so that we could get together. when he calls (if he does) should i tell him i am busy this weekend so that he doesn't take me for granted and has to chase me a little bit more?
thanks for the advice. i wanted to know what you think i should do next to fix the problems i made by chasing him. last time we spoke (which i initiated by texting him asking how things were going), he said he would call me soon so that we could get together. when he calls (if he does) should i tell him i am busy this weekend so that he doesn't take me for granted and has to chase me a little bit more?
Playing hard to get works if you know for sure the guy likes you. If you're not sure, accept the invitation.
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