Submitted on Sunday, December 28, 2008
By: marie
Age: 40
Location: england

Question:

I am pretty confused right now.

My boyfriend and i split up after a disagreement by text message away back in February. He never actually said the relationship was finished, but it obviously was. I pestered him for an explanation for probably the first 6 weeks, all he said was that he didn't know what he wanted! After that, i basically left him alone. Eventually, over the course of the summer, he began to initiate contact, at first sporadically and then from the middle of August he began texting me virtually every day. This went on for nearly 3 months, and my emotions were all over the place, as although there was much contact, he never made any arrangements to see me! Eventually at the beginning of November, i asked him to come with me to a party, and he gave me an excuse as to why he wasn't able to come! At this point, i was very straight with him, told him that when we had been together (the relationship had lasted 4 months and he was referring to me as his girlfriend) i had totally fallen for him, thought he had felt the same, and i had no idea why he was still contacting me if he didn't have any plans to see me again! He was quite defensive, said he didn't think he wasn't being fair to me, and did i want him to stop texting me! I told him that he wasn't going to make me feel bad, and i loved hearing from him, but i was just letting him know what i wanted and that i was sure he would come to the correct decision! He then said that he loved hearing from me too!

He continued to text after this and i totally ignored his text messages for about a week and a half! He continued to persist! Eventually i started answering him again and about 3 weeks later, he asked to come and see me to which i agreed! We had a lovely day, it was obvious to me that he had missed me, he was saying things under his breath when we were kissing like "i waited so long for this" and "i've been so lonely." We ended up in bed and it was great. When my 2 teenage kids came home from school, he didn't bolt out the door (he'd met them before, but never had a conversation with them). He was in no rush to go home and made effort chatting to my kids! He continued to text me every day and he came to see me again the following week, stayed even longer this time and again made effort to chat to my son! At one point i was a bit nervous as my teenage son can be a bit mischievous and he calmly turned to me to reassure me that everything was fine!

He has continued to text me every day, if he goes out at the weekends he always texts me to let me know he's home and if i'm out, he always texts to ask how my night's going! However, it's now nearly been 3 weeks since he was last here! He's made references to kissing me again and wishing he was with me etc..but hasn't made any concrete plans to see me again! I have let him know that i want to see him again, and soon!...done it in a jokey way though, nothing too heavy! His answer was "yep sounds good!"

I asked if he wanted to come up to see me when i got home from my mothers on xmas day, but he said he was going to his cousin's, so i just said "ok, no probs, just a thought!"...he then kept the conversation going asking when the kids were coming home from their dads the next day! but never made any plans to see me!

I do think he likes me...but i don't know what to do. I don't want to put pressure on him but in a way i think, well why not, cause after all, i have been straight with him and told him what i was wanting, and he has never stated directly that he wants something casual. I'm also trying to wait till the festive season is over, just in case it's something to do with him wanting his freedom to do his own thing with his mates, and not getting roped into something too heavy right away! What you think victor!!

VictorM's advice:

As evidenced by his choice to break-up with you once before, guys aren't generally as quick as females to establish roots and to feel deeply connected to their partners. That's the major reason guys so often balk at commitment -- they simply aren't sold on the female yet.

That appears to be the case here. He likes you enough to want to continue seeing him, but he's not yet so attached that he's determined to stay. If you pressure him, I bet you'll just drive him away.

If he's worth your while and you're convince he likes you, just give him more time -- I'm talking months, not minutes -- without having "the talk" about where the relationship is headed.