Tuesday, December 30, 2008
He loves to message other girls online
Submitted on Tuesday, December 30, 2008
By: Stacy
Age: 22
Location: Texas
Question: Hi. I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 2 years. However throughout the relationship we've had several little fights about the same thing: he loves to message other girls online. These are not his female friends these are girls he sees around our school campus or that are in some of his classes and he messages them to make some conversation.
I find it odd how he always seems to be so interested in messaging them, I've read some of the messages and for the most part they are innocent but still I get really jealous and I can never understand why he feels the need to talk to girls he doesn't know just because he finds them attractive. Do most guys do this? do you think I'm over reacting about the whole situation? We were once very close to breaking up because he says I don't trust him but I do get jealous because he never mentions me to them as to make it clear that he has a girlfriend. From a guys point of view, is it normal wanting to message other ¨hot¨girls, is it innocent or do you think most guys are looking for something else on the side?
thanks!
VictorM's advice:
Positively, absolutely, totally, all guys do that. I'm not saying that all message other girls, but virtually every guy as the need to get the attention, however briefly, from other women, particularly if he finds them attractive. It's in our genes (some here will say it's upbringing, not biology) but men have an amazing need to get their self-worth validated by that kind of attention. They could have the most gorgeous girlfriend on the planet and be madly in love with her, it doesn't matter, they constantly need that kind of attention. Of course, some men need it more than others, but to different degrees, we all need it.
Why do you think the stereotypical construction worker will make comments and catcalls to girls passing by? Do you think they expect to have sex with them? No. They just want their attention, even if just for a second. If the girl turns around, presto! huge ego boost. (So, next time you get a catcall, just turn around and smile -- you'll make the guy's day!)
Let it go. Let him have his fun. You actually benefit by having a guy who feels better about himself because of it.
Your question might be, how do you know if it will lead to anything else? Well, if your boyfriend is the cheating type, I'm sure he will have many other options besides text messages.
By: Stacy
Age: 22
Location: Texas
Question: Hi. I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 2 years. However throughout the relationship we've had several little fights about the same thing: he loves to message other girls online. These are not his female friends these are girls he sees around our school campus or that are in some of his classes and he messages them to make some conversation.
I find it odd how he always seems to be so interested in messaging them, I've read some of the messages and for the most part they are innocent but still I get really jealous and I can never understand why he feels the need to talk to girls he doesn't know just because he finds them attractive. Do most guys do this? do you think I'm over reacting about the whole situation? We were once very close to breaking up because he says I don't trust him but I do get jealous because he never mentions me to them as to make it clear that he has a girlfriend. From a guys point of view, is it normal wanting to message other ¨hot¨girls, is it innocent or do you think most guys are looking for something else on the side?
thanks!
VictorM's advice:
Positively, absolutely, totally, all guys do that. I'm not saying that all message other girls, but virtually every guy as the need to get the attention, however briefly, from other women, particularly if he finds them attractive. It's in our genes (some here will say it's upbringing, not biology) but men have an amazing need to get their self-worth validated by that kind of attention. They could have the most gorgeous girlfriend on the planet and be madly in love with her, it doesn't matter, they constantly need that kind of attention. Of course, some men need it more than others, but to different degrees, we all need it.
Why do you think the stereotypical construction worker will make comments and catcalls to girls passing by? Do you think they expect to have sex with them? No. They just want their attention, even if just for a second. If the girl turns around, presto! huge ego boost. (So, next time you get a catcall, just turn around and smile -- you'll make the guy's day!)
Let it go. Let him have his fun. You actually benefit by having a guy who feels better about himself because of it.
Your question might be, how do you know if it will lead to anything else? Well, if your boyfriend is the cheating type, I'm sure he will have many other options besides text messages.
Comments:
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
He must make you happy enough if you've stayed with him for 2 years, yes?
You'll always wonder if he's taking it too far online. It's easy to do. All it takes is one opening from one of the girls in his online harem and he'll take it there. Because it feels good. It feels empowering. It's a fantasy world and he can be whoever and say whatever. Online Romeo to a thousand girls!
My question is, does he do it every single night? How often? In can be addictive, just like anything else. Does he need to do it? Is he compelled? Where are you and what are you doing while he's spending time with all these girls online?
Sidenote on the catcalling construction workers: That's sexual harassment. Ladies, don't reward those dogs for their bad behavior.
You'll always wonder if he's taking it too far online. It's easy to do. All it takes is one opening from one of the girls in his online harem and he'll take it there. Because it feels good. It feels empowering. It's a fantasy world and he can be whoever and say whatever. Online Romeo to a thousand girls!
My question is, does he do it every single night? How often? In can be addictive, just like anything else. Does he need to do it? Is he compelled? Where are you and what are you doing while he's spending time with all these girls online?
Sidenote on the catcalling construction workers: That's sexual harassment. Ladies, don't reward those dogs for their bad behavior.
# posted by 
: 10:50 PM
: 10:50 PM
Thanks Victorm for the answer! Maybe I am over reacting about the whole situation and like you said its just something that guys view as natural and we as women dont. I do believe he is a little bit insecure at times and maybe tha's why he needs the attention. Thanks for the insight on a guys perspective.
Princess, thanks for your comment. He does make me very happy and if it wasnt for those online messages to other girls I would say we have a perfect relationship. He doesnt message random girls every single night sometimes weeks go by without him messaging any girl but still when he does he seems flirtacious and that's whats upsetting to me.
Princess, thanks for your comment. He does make me very happy and if it wasnt for those online messages to other girls I would say we have a perfect relationship. He doesnt message random girls every single night sometimes weeks go by without him messaging any girl but still when he does he seems flirtacious and that's whats upsetting to me.
# posted by : 3:18 PM
: 3:18 PM
What do you mean by flirtatious? I ask because this is defined differently by many. Cheating too, is defined differently by many. Some might think that ongoing messages back&forth constitutes cheating. I'd personally feel there COULD be a foreplay aspect to it.
I also wonder about how you know about EVERY time he messages a girl. Is he that open about it? If he really is then that is s good sign that he's not inclined to cheat on you. It's also a good sign that he may want to make you a bit jealous! ;)
Post a Comment
I also wonder about how you know about EVERY time he messages a girl. Is he that open about it? If he really is then that is s good sign that he's not inclined to cheat on you. It's also a good sign that he may want to make you a bit jealous! ;)
# posted by : 4:23 AM
: 4:23 AM You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
