Thursday, November 06, 2008
Sexual atraction between me and my guy friend
Submitted on Saturday, November 01, 2008
By shanayy, 19, from new york:
heyy :) i love your advice, and i was just wondering if you can maybe help me out.
okay, so i'm one of those- fell for my guy best friend situation.. we've been best friends for about 2 years now, and there's always ALWAYS been sexual attraction between me and my guy friend. he'd hug me so tightly, lay on me when were hanging out, put my head on his shoulder, touch my legs.. so many cute gestures. we've been always close, but not like brother-sister close, and honestly we acted like we've dated- except without the physical stuff, such as kissing, etc. he acted like my boyfriend plenty of times.. even to this day- [ btw he has a girlfriend :| ] who was his ex, but to this day- he still treats me differently then other girls. i know we're comfortable with each other, and everything, but i feel like he takes it beyond that level.. the way he stares into my eyes, and hangs out all the time, always touching me, or singing cute little songs to me when were just hangin out, like i couldn't help but want to be his. he constantly says sexual jokes, and he's so sweet but then we'll be like "hey girlfriend" or something cuz we know it's like weird. he tried to jokingly read down my shirt when they first were going out- and i was just like "heyy hows ur gf" and he was just like "you know- i WAS single for a year..." and it just made me think.
His girlfriend is mad that we hang out a lot, and even asked him if he was cheating on her, but we havent done anything. Even the other night at a party- she was there with him, and he kinda didn't give too much attention to me when she was there- and they were acting all cute which upset me- but as soon as she left, he was all cute with me, but i was mad and he noticed something was up, but when he asked numerous times- i just couldnt tell him why :( but later we ended up cuddling on the couch til 4am. he would come close to me- he would touch me, he did every gesture- i'm too shy to even lay my head on his shoulder :| uhggg. & I know that's not cheating, but i wouldn't want my boyfriend to be laying on some girls chest all night, face to face.. lol so i don't know what to do, i've always liked this kid- and seeing him with his girlfriend honestly breaks me sometimes. and when the moment was right for us to kiss or something to happen when he was single- it passed us by. our friends even try to slip it in when we're hanging out that we should have hooked up. i could feel it on his side too- but idk if i'm just looking into it more? and now i just don't know if i'm the girl on the back burner- or if it's just cause he's comfortable with me, or maybe he likes me deep deep down but knows he has a secure thing with his girlfriend and a 'idk' thing with me if we were more- so he wants to have his cake & eat it to? lol.
it's so frustrating, and i want to tell him so much, but i know thats pointless to tell him, especially now that he's in a long relationship.. they love each other, and he tells me he's happy with her- but it's just like, what are you doing with me?? i see them together- and me and him honestly act the same- just without the kissing.. it's so weird. i just don't know, maybe you can help me? people always tell me that we look like were dating, and he gives all his attention to me, and flirts soo much with me- and i know guys can flirt with anything, but idk any suggestions?
pleaseeee help :) thank youu so much!!<3.
pleaseeee help :) thank youu so much!!<3.
VictorM's advice:
He has a girlfriend whom he likes being with and gets to do the kissing and probably more sexual stuff. But with her he has obligations, responsibilities, and annoying fights. With you, he doesn't get the kissing and no sex, but he also has no commitments, no obligations, no lover's quarrels.
He's getting the best of both worlds. And that's the way it'll stay as long as no one forces him to make a choice. You're not totally happy with the situation but it's not like it impacts him. His girlfriend gives him some grief about you, but he has managed to control the situation.
I mean, from his point of view, why change anything? Life is good.
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Follow-up comment by Shanay:
but thats the thing, he treats me like were IN a relationship.. we'll have stupid like 'couple' fights arguing about how something the other one did bothered the other person and he'll wonder who im texting, and got jealous i was texting this other guy ive been just talking to. and its like we make eachother jealous sometimes, but its like hes the one with a gf.? do you think its even worth waiting for? i know were friends, and i have liked this kid for 2 years, so i dont know if i could just stop liking him - i know i cant.. but is waiting for like him and his gf to break up stupid? were such good friends and i know he respects me, but its just hard cause there is something between us - i can feel it, but hes been with her for like 7 months and thats pretty long, and im too shy to even like steal him away from her or whatever which i know i can (not being cocky) lol. but AHH i dont know =( i feel like im on the side and hes shady about me to his gf but if theres nothing going on between us - why would he hide stuff? its so weirdddddddddddddd.
but thats the thing, he treats me like were IN a relationship.. we'll have stupid like 'couple' fights arguing about how something the other one did bothered the other person and he'll wonder who im texting, and got jealous i was texting this other guy ive been just talking to. and its like we make eachother jealous sometimes, but its like hes the one with a gf.? do you think its even worth waiting for? i know were friends, and i have liked this kid for 2 years, so i dont know if i could just stop liking him - i know i cant.. but is waiting for like him and his gf to break up stupid? were such good friends and i know he respects me, but its just hard cause there is something between us - i can feel it, but hes been with her for like 7 months and thats pretty long, and im too shy to even like steal him away from her or whatever which i know i can (not being cocky) lol. but AHH i dont know =( i feel like im on the side and hes shady about me to his gf but if theres nothing going on between us - why would he hide stuff? its so weirdddddddddddddd.
My original answer still applies. He may act like a boyfriend to you, and he enjoys the perks of your company, but he's not committed to you. So he has no drive to change anything.
If you want chances, you have to make them, otherwise, he'll carry on as is.
Girls may be into finding "the one," but guys are happy with variety and quantity, if they can get it. If it wasn't for social pressures, most of us would have a harem. :)
If you want chances, you have to make them, otherwise, he'll carry on as is.
Girls may be into finding "the one," but guys are happy with variety and quantity, if they can get it. If it wasn't for social pressures, most of us would have a harem. :)
Harem?? Please. Guys can't handle one woman much less 10 women. :P Most guys would be dead from exhaustion in under a week!
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