Submitted on Sunday, November 23, 2008
By emily, 19, from arizona:

I met this guy online. We talked for a month before we first meet each other for the first time. I had sex with him on the first time we met and feel really awkward about it. I wasn't attracted to him at all (physically, he was attracted to me). He texted me after that night saying he had fun and hoped I do too. I stopped talking to him for a week to have time to think about it. He is a really nice and sweet guy after all. I decided to give it a try.

We talked again, and saw each other again after 2 weeks. He spent the night at my place that weekend and on Sunday, he went out of state to work. We talked every single night (I always the one who called, he said he doesn't like to communicate by phone). But we have good communications. During those time, I asked what is he looking for? He said he is not looking but he is open if the right person comes up, and he interesting in pursuing a relationship with me but doesn't want it happen too fast.

He got back in town on the day I was flying out of the country for my vacation for 2 months. He made it to the airport just to see me for only 10 minutes (after he just left the airport 3hours before that).

During my vacation time, we chatted and I told him that I think I love him. To be honest, I really thought about it and I do think I love him for who he really is. He said, he was flattered to know that and he thinks he is falling for me too. After 2 weeks of vacation, he starts not to pick up his phone and returning my txt, and I send him a deal breaker txt, if he doesn't want to deal with me anymore, just say it and I promise I will leave him alone. He txt me back that everything is fine, he just been working overtime like crazy and sleeping on his time off.

I got over that. We keep talking normal again, but much less than before. We don't chat anymore, only talk when I call. The silence of not picking up the phone or returning my txt happen one more time before my vacation ended, but then he explained himself and I let it by again.

Since I got back to the States, we see each other every single weekend. I asked if we are exclusive and he said yes. I asked if he loves me, and he said he normally doesn't use that word and he doesn't know if he loves me yet, but he does have very strong feeling for me and it going toward a positive direction, he cares and think that he is very lucky to know me and he doesn't want to lose me at all. After his family and his work, I'm next. And he definitely is interest in pursuing a relationship with me.

I'm not the type of girl asking for too much, and he does made clear that he doesn't want to set me up with expectations that he can not meet right from beginning and I accepted. The fact that he works a lot, doesn't have much time. He doesn't use his free time to hang out with friends a lot or going to bars/clubs. He mostly spend his weekend and day off with his brothers and me.
I never met anyone of his friends and family members, but they do know he's dating me (I'm sure about this).

He never lets me visit him when he's sick. I'm guessing because of the fact he lives with his parents and brothers.He doesn't call (well, right from when we know each other), sometimes he doesn't respond to me. We had a talk about it and he's making small change about it since. He knows that I always empty my weekend for him, no matter what but he stood me up one and I was really upset. I talked to him about it and he said he sorry and will change that, try to share more with me.

I do really love him, but it seems like he doesn't feel the same way. Even though he said he cares and do think about me during the week (why wouldn't he call or txt) until the weekend? We spend Friday, Saturday night together and Sunday sometimes every single week. He doesn't say emotionally affectionate words, but when he hugs or kisses me, I can feel it, I can feel he does has feeling for me.

I just don't think I'm part of his life, since he doesn't even let me know when he was sick or txt or call me. I really want it to work, he is an introverted person, he doesn't talk much or show much feelings, but he is very honest to me, doesn't say things just because I want to hear them.

We only been dating for more than a month now (not included the time we talked and know each other, while I was on vacation). He never officially asked me out but we got together when I got back, and I make sure to ask him if we are exclusive and going out... so that I don't assumed anything.

I really need help. Should I wait and see how things go for longer since it's only more than a month? and I do accepted for who he is, that he doesn't show much.... but then how I know if he really wants a relationship or is it just about sex? (He never forced me to have sex and sometimes we don't even have sex, just hang out watch movies and fall asleep). Should I keep going and not making myself thinking too much? OR should I get over this and move on with my life?

VictorM's advice:

Keep going, for sure. Sounds like you have a good thing going and are worrying prematurely about things that may never happen. After only one month of going out, I see no red flags yet.

Guys can be very guarded about using the love word. So it's no surprise at all that he's not been ready to say that word.

Many guys don't like a fuss being made over them when they don't feel well. They prefer to be left alone. The last thing they want is a girlfriend acting protective and worried like she's his mother. Guys keep their pain and discomfort to themselves most of the time.

Yes, the damn phone and damn text inventions... truly evil inventions. Guys hate them because we're very physical beings. We can live happily without much contact until the next time we can see you, smell you, touch you, and taste you. If his hugs convey passion, that matters much more than text messages. As long as he's making an effort to respond to your concerns about the phone, you're in good shape.

He's not ready to introduce you to family and friends. And after one month only, that makes all the sense in the world.