Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Forever emotionally unavailable
Submitted on Monday, November 24, 2008
By Angel, 23, from Gauteng:
I am seeing a guy who is forever emotionally unavailable. Lately, when I talk to him he shouts or snaps at me for no apparent reason. When I ask him to do something for me he refuses or gives excuses. When I try to talk about this he says that he never asks anything from me and what have I done for him? When I say he never asks anything, unlike me, he simply says he deals with his problems not expecting people to deal with them. What is happening here? What do I need to do?
VictorM's advice:
You need your head examined. Literally.
He's not asking you to change, he's not demanding anything from you. Really, he's not your problem. You, not recognizing that someone like him is toxic in terms of developing any kind of meaningful relationship, are truly are the one that needs help.
The short answer is "dump him." But that won't be enough. Even if you dump this guy, your next one is more than likely to exhibit the same personality traits. Just the mere fact that you're still with this guy suggests you have some need to heal these "emotionally unavailable" souls.
If you want to change the type of guy you get attracted to, you need to change yourself. That's not something you can do on your own. You need professional help.
And of course, you also need to dump this guy, otherwise you're just banging your head against a brick wall
(By the way, if you think he needs more help than you do, you'd be right, but you're the one writing to me, not him).
By Angel, 23, from Gauteng:
I am seeing a guy who is forever emotionally unavailable. Lately, when I talk to him he shouts or snaps at me for no apparent reason. When I ask him to do something for me he refuses or gives excuses. When I try to talk about this he says that he never asks anything from me and what have I done for him? When I say he never asks anything, unlike me, he simply says he deals with his problems not expecting people to deal with them. What is happening here? What do I need to do?
VictorM's advice:
You need your head examined. Literally.
He's not asking you to change, he's not demanding anything from you. Really, he's not your problem. You, not recognizing that someone like him is toxic in terms of developing any kind of meaningful relationship, are truly are the one that needs help.
The short answer is "dump him." But that won't be enough. Even if you dump this guy, your next one is more than likely to exhibit the same personality traits. Just the mere fact that you're still with this guy suggests you have some need to heal these "emotionally unavailable" souls.
If you want to change the type of guy you get attracted to, you need to change yourself. That's not something you can do on your own. You need professional help.
And of course, you also need to dump this guy, otherwise you're just banging your head against a brick wall
(By the way, if you think he needs more help than you do, you'd be right, but you're the one writing to me, not him).
Technorati Tags: relationship advice, emotionally unavailable
Comments:
Post a Comment
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
