Submitted on Saturday, September 20, 2008
By Robin, 42, from Garner, NC:

I started a new job 6 months ago and immediately everyone wanted to know if I was single. When I said yes, my HR Manager wanted me to meet an employee who was her friend. He divorced two years ago, his wife cheated on him with someone she met online. He didn't seem my type but we flirted a little back and fourth and became very close. He told me he was ending a relationship with a girl that none of his friends knew about. We have been seeing each other 6 months and he said this girl would not leave him alone, then I finally came out and asked for the truth and he said he broke up with her for me and now she wants him back. Still no one knows of this girl but I found out he is really seeing her.

A few days ago he told me how much he cared and loved me. I ended up really liking him more than I thought and now we work together and it has been hard to concentrate, but honestly we spoke more often then we saw each other, we finally started going to lunch where before he seemed to try to keep our relationship quiet which was fine since we worked together. Everyone at work loves him so I don't understand what just happened, I usually don't get too close but I thought he was a genuine guy because he was so well liked, now he ignores me, which I told him to stay away from me, but it wasn't what I really wanted. So he says he cares and loves me, I thought he made up this girl because he only mentioned her 3 times in 6 months and I tried to get him too talk openly, he demanded it of me and now I am angry and told him to go away because I feel used and embarrassed.

Why would someone say they have feelings for you when they don't, I thought he made up this girl to make me jealous otherwise I would have stayed clear of a relationship, I watched his band play and he wanted to meet my son, we ate lunch together a few days ago and I asked was everything ok and he said yes, I had to drag all this information out of him, then he always asked me to pop in and surprise at his house so I did and found the other girl. How do I know if he was being truthful about his feelings for me and how do I work with him and deal with hurting?

People at work have known him 10 years or more they have only known me 6 months, so I try not to say much because he so well liked but I am really hurt and angry, I even changed my phone number to try to make the break easier, but it didn't help I still see him day. When he first mentioned this girl I suggested we just be friends until he worked it out, he actually didn't show up to work when I told him that, he left crying and you could tell he let his appearance go down hill, he told never to break his heart again then within a week he did it to me. I'm confused but am sure I will be fine, I did care about and thought he did me and thought the people at work knew well enough that I would not get hurt. Whats a girl to do?

VictorM's advice:

Your HR manager wanted you to meet a fellow coworker to date? Who do you work for, the George Bush White House? Someone needs to fire her ass.

Anyway, you really have to makeup your mind and be honest about it. Look at this sentence: "now he ignores me, which I told him to stay away from me, but it wasn't what I really wanted". What's with that? Doesn't sound like he's ignoring you, it sounds like he's complying with your request.

Look, he told you about the girl. It's not his fault you assumed he was just making her up. It's not clear to me whether you were a couple or not when you found him at home with the girl. What was she doing there? Did she just drop-in for a visit? Did you ask him or are you now also just making assumptions?

If what you want is to get over him and go on with your life just continue to do what you're doing. With time, it will get easier to handle the situation, as difficult as it may seem now. You could also try to find a new job.

If what you want is to get back with him, stop with the games and be honest about it. But ultimately, there's no way to know if a guy truly loves you; all you have is a sense of being loved or not. And only you hold the key to solve that mystery.