Submitted on Saturday, September 27, 2008
By Rach, 17:

I have a really close guy friend. He and I have always been attracted to each other but never dated because when we met he had a gf and then they had an incredibly messy split that really affected him. We talked about dating a while back and he said he wanted to but was too scared of hurting me (i'm guessing he meant the way she hurt him). So our friendship surprisingly went back to normal. But every time another guy popped up for me, he'd act weird about it or say something so I stopped telling him about guys I like and stuff. But he was there completely every time things went south with the new guys. Recently he's really been pushing for me to quit my job and apply where he's working and tried to get me to leave work to see a movie with him. Then he randomly called the other day and asked me to dinner. I took it as a friend thing, but he acted weird when i said the check was separate but I was under the impression I was paying for myself in the first place. I've also been hearing more about him working out and getting phone numbers from people and other things that I think he may be saying to get a reaction out of me. I still have feelings for him and it seems like every time I think I can move on he pops up with something like this. What is his deal and what should I do?

VictorM's advice:

The deal is that he knows you like him more than he likes you and guys love being in the company of such girls -- it boosts their ego and lets them exercise control.

If you think he's pushing you to quit your job and work with him for your own good you'd be wrong. He wants more ego boosting.

Guys don't necessarily think this stuff on a conscientious level. It's not like he plans any of it. It's just an instinctual reaction that has no malice, but their motivation is self gratification.

Be friendly but keep him at a distance. Don't make silly moves thinking they'res going to bring him closer to you because that's not what's motivating him. Continue to seek other guys and change jobs only if it's in your best interest to do so.