Submitted on Saturday, September 27, 2008
By chantell, 26, from australia:

When I first met my boyfriend, he was really sweet and loving and i could ask and talk to him about everything. I really loved this quality in him as i have had a previous relationship that had lack of communication. Now we have been together for a year and a half and 6 months into the realtionship i cannot talk to him about anything or he gets angry puts me down, says he doesn't want to talk or ignores me. This can be from a simple "do i look pretty today?" to "are you happy with our relationship?". I tend to cry because of this behaviour and he tells me i am a sook and that i am nagging him again or look what i'm doing to him. I want to know what is the best way to get him to just listen and be nice rather then blow up at me. i have been told to ignore him and he'll soon wonder whats going on, i have been told to leave or kick him out and he may come to his senses, but i am really afraid that if i do this he will not want to come back because i don't feel like he really cares.

VictorM's advice:

You feel that he really doesn't care, he gets angry at you and puts you down, and you're afraid he won't come back to you? What are you, a masochist?

Of course you're not a masochist; you're a dreamer. Somehow, you think he can be the same guy he was earlier on. You think you can perform some magic and change him. Say the magic words and presto! he's all wonderful again. Right? Right. OK, strike that about you being a dreamer. You're just a typical woman. *shakes head* you poor, poor souls.

People are conditioned by society to put up fronts. Social norms dictate how we should behave, and under certain conditions, we try our best. But whether through the consumption of alcohol, or the passage of time, eventually our true selves emerge. What you must understand is that the first year behavior of your boyfriend was a facade; his behavior of the last 6 months are reflective of the way he's bound to be with you for the rest of your life. In fact, if anything, he'll get even more dismissive of you.

You are probably right, he simply doesn't care about you enough. If you care about yourself enough, you would move on.