|
Our discussion forum is open for business. Come say hello. |
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Makeup artist
Submitted on Tuesday, July 22, 2008
By Shanarieece, 18, from California:
Okay, me and my boyfriend are moving in together sometime next month and were both really excited about it. He's a really good guy and he treats me better than any guy ever has before. The thing is, i have no family that i can turn to if it ends up not working out. When i try and tell him that im kind of afraid to do this because for the first few months i'll be totally dependent on him, he just says 'Why would you say its not going to work out?' What he doesnt understand is that im not saying its not going to, im just saying what if? I mean you never know, we can end up not liking each other as much as we thought we did. I'd have nowhere to go, i'd have no money, no car. I'm stuck. I really do want to go through with this i just wish he would understand. One of the main things that scares me is that he wants to be a welder which is perfectly fine with me, im glad he's happy doing that but he cannot stand that i want to be a makeup artist. He gets so upset saying they are two totally different careers and a makeup artist doesn't make enough money. He practically said that if i pursue being a makeup artist than it would eventually break us up. Another thing is he said he doesnt want to have kids for about another 8 years. (right now hes 20 and im 18) which is a problem for me because i wanted to have kids at a younger age, around 23/24. I wouldnt get pregnant on purpose because i dont want to end up being a single mom, but he wont even reason with me about it. He DOES NOT want kids until then and thats it. So basically i have to change my dreams and things i want so we can be together and make him happy? I dont think its fair to me. Im not sure how to talk to him about it. I really do love him and i guess i would be willing to change things for him but i dont really want to. He's not making sacrafices for me like that. I dont want to be unhappy in the future just because of a few stupid things. I really do love him and i just wish he would understand some of the things i want. Is there a way i can make him understand or negotiate with me or something!? I really want this to work out i just dont want to break up about it or end up unhappy because i agreed to what he wanted. I mean i do understand his side to things, and he is not controlling at all (even though it might sound like it from what i wrote), i just wish there was a way we can work this out.
By Shanarieece, 18, from California:
Okay, me and my boyfriend are moving in together sometime next month and were both really excited about it. He's a really good guy and he treats me better than any guy ever has before. The thing is, i have no family that i can turn to if it ends up not working out. When i try and tell him that im kind of afraid to do this because for the first few months i'll be totally dependent on him, he just says 'Why would you say its not going to work out?' What he doesnt understand is that im not saying its not going to, im just saying what if? I mean you never know, we can end up not liking each other as much as we thought we did. I'd have nowhere to go, i'd have no money, no car. I'm stuck. I really do want to go through with this i just wish he would understand. One of the main things that scares me is that he wants to be a welder which is perfectly fine with me, im glad he's happy doing that but he cannot stand that i want to be a makeup artist. He gets so upset saying they are two totally different careers and a makeup artist doesn't make enough money. He practically said that if i pursue being a makeup artist than it would eventually break us up. Another thing is he said he doesnt want to have kids for about another 8 years. (right now hes 20 and im 18) which is a problem for me because i wanted to have kids at a younger age, around 23/24. I wouldnt get pregnant on purpose because i dont want to end up being a single mom, but he wont even reason with me about it. He DOES NOT want kids until then and thats it. So basically i have to change my dreams and things i want so we can be together and make him happy? I dont think its fair to me. Im not sure how to talk to him about it. I really do love him and i guess i would be willing to change things for him but i dont really want to. He's not making sacrafices for me like that. I dont want to be unhappy in the future just because of a few stupid things. I really do love him and i just wish he would understand some of the things i want. Is there a way i can make him understand or negotiate with me or something!? I really want this to work out i just dont want to break up about it or end up unhappy because i agreed to what he wanted. I mean i do understand his side to things, and he is not controlling at all (even though it might sound like it from what i wrote), i just wish there was a way we can work this out.
Thank you sooooo much for any advice!
VictorM's advice:
With the types of issues you describe, moving in together sounds premature to me. What's the rush?
You don't have to change your dreams, however, if you do, you have no one but yourself to blame. He's being very clear about what he wants and expects. You are staying with him even though it contradicts what you want. Rather than dealing with the facts you have, you're hoping he'll change or that he could be different. It is a foolish and immature way to deal with your life.
But you love him, right? And I assume that somewhere, somehow, you have been led to believe that love is all you need -- it's not!
Here's the best advice I have for you: don't move in together, go to makeup school, get a job, save money, become self-reliant financially, and if this guy stays along for the ride, great, if not, you saved yourself from a very unhappy life, which is what's most likely in store for you if you move in together now. Face it: neither one of you is ready to handle living together.
VictorM's advice:
With the types of issues you describe, moving in together sounds premature to me. What's the rush?
You don't have to change your dreams, however, if you do, you have no one but yourself to blame. He's being very clear about what he wants and expects. You are staying with him even though it contradicts what you want. Rather than dealing with the facts you have, you're hoping he'll change or that he could be different. It is a foolish and immature way to deal with your life.
But you love him, right? And I assume that somewhere, somehow, you have been led to believe that love is all you need -- it's not!
Here's the best advice I have for you: don't move in together, go to makeup school, get a job, save money, become self-reliant financially, and if this guy stays along for the ride, great, if not, you saved yourself from a very unhappy life, which is what's most likely in store for you if you move in together now. Face it: neither one of you is ready to handle living together.
Comments:
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
I agree with Victor on every aspect of his advice to you. There are two big incompatibilities you are already facing in this relationship that will only become bigger and harder to get over.
One: You have yet to identify who you are and your dreams of being a make-up artist shouldn't be trampled on just because he believes they don't make enough money.
Two: The desire to have children. This incompatibility will not change; it will only bring resentment on either side or both sides for what the other person does or doesn't want. I've seen it happen many a time. I've seen it break up marriages that were supposedly so "in love" that they thought they could weather all the storms.
Three: He's already not making sacrifices for you in the way that he's asking for you to do it for him. That attitude won't change either. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, it's just the way he is.
Accept these things for what they are; they are major incompatibilities that will not disappear or change. Go after your dream, be independent. Good luck!
Post a Comment
One: You have yet to identify who you are and your dreams of being a make-up artist shouldn't be trampled on just because he believes they don't make enough money.
Two: The desire to have children. This incompatibility will not change; it will only bring resentment on either side or both sides for what the other person does or doesn't want. I've seen it happen many a time. I've seen it break up marriages that were supposedly so "in love" that they thought they could weather all the storms.
Three: He's already not making sacrifices for you in the way that he's asking for you to do it for him. That attitude won't change either. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, it's just the way he is.
Accept these things for what they are; they are major incompatibilities that will not disappear or change. Go after your dream, be independent. Good luck!
# posted by 
: 6:01 PM
: 6:01 PM You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
