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Monday, July 28, 2008
I want to back off a little
Submitted on Monday, July 21, 2008
By Kathryn, 19, from East Coast:
I met this guy late summer of last year; instantly had a crush on him...circumstances, which include his best friend having a thing for me, kept anything from happening. We talked occasionally just a friendly acquaintance thing for the next few months. Then in April we both admitted to kinda having a thing for each other. I went for a visit about a month later, and we spent the night together. Nothing significant happened, just had a good time hanging out basically. We've spent as much time together as possible the last two months...but sometimes I'll see him and then I won't hear from him for days. And sometimes he'll return a text or phone call and other times won't. I worry that I've been too clingy; I dunno. I want to back off a little, you know make him miss me, but i don't want him to start thinking im not interested either. I'm kinda in a hard place.
VictorM's advice:
Boy, I wish I had the right answer for that situation. Lining up a girl's need for contact with a guy's is simply a near impossible task.
I would just suggest that you don't back off. Show him the kind of attention you feel is right for how you feel. But also accept that as a guy, he simply won't answer you as much as you'd like and don't take that as lack of interest in you. You only become needy if you need him to reply to you as often as you think he should and he doesn't.
By Kathryn, 19, from East Coast:
I met this guy late summer of last year; instantly had a crush on him...circumstances, which include his best friend having a thing for me, kept anything from happening. We talked occasionally just a friendly acquaintance thing for the next few months. Then in April we both admitted to kinda having a thing for each other. I went for a visit about a month later, and we spent the night together. Nothing significant happened, just had a good time hanging out basically. We've spent as much time together as possible the last two months...but sometimes I'll see him and then I won't hear from him for days. And sometimes he'll return a text or phone call and other times won't. I worry that I've been too clingy; I dunno. I want to back off a little, you know make him miss me, but i don't want him to start thinking im not interested either. I'm kinda in a hard place.
VictorM's advice:
Boy, I wish I had the right answer for that situation. Lining up a girl's need for contact with a guy's is simply a near impossible task.
I would just suggest that you don't back off. Show him the kind of attention you feel is right for how you feel. But also accept that as a guy, he simply won't answer you as much as you'd like and don't take that as lack of interest in you. You only become needy if you need him to reply to you as often as you think he should and he doesn't.
Comments:
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You only become needy if you need him to reply to you as often as you think he should and he doesn't.
Actually, that scenario just causes disappointment.
You only become needy when you let that disappointment affect your ability to function normally.
As I have always maintained, women definitely could learn to step back a little more, but men could also learn to step up a lot. Men are human, too, (or so we've been told) and are therefore capable of understanding and learning how to be more sensitive to women's needs.
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Actually, that scenario just causes disappointment.
You only become needy when you let that disappointment affect your ability to function normally.
As I have always maintained, women definitely could learn to step back a little more, but men could also learn to step up a lot. Men are human, too, (or so we've been told) and are therefore capable of understanding and learning how to be more sensitive to women's needs.
# posted by 
: 4:49 PM
: 4:49 PM You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
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