How do I tell my man he's lousy in bed? I care about him and don't want to hurt him, but he doesn't seem to care about my pleasure, and I want to fix it for both of us. How does one say that to a guy?

VictorM's advice:

One doesn't ever say to the guy that he's lousy. Ever!

Guys are very goal-oriented. Many guys feel that an erection is wasted unless it's used in intercourse and ejaculation. You need to change that goal. Set new objectives. And then train the guy to want those goals too.

Let's say, for example, that you'd like to engage in more kissing before getting into sex. Explicitly define that as the goal. Reward him with praise if he complies. Refuse to go on unless you've accomplished most of what you wanted.

Blame Cosmopolitan, if you have too. Say you read something in an article and you think it would be fun to try it. Then try anything you want... less oral sex, more oral sex, toys, clothing, etc. Each time, define a goal and praise him when he seems to get it.

A lot of times lovers like him are just afraid to try different things for fear of being called kinky, so they stick to the very basics. Don't be afraid to mention what you would like to do. Sure, he could get turned off by your ideas, but if he does, the sooner you get rid of him the better.

Of course, there is the chance that he just wants what he wants and could care less about your pleasure. As the old saying goes: you can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink it. In this case, you can try professional therapy, or better yet, find yourself a new lover.