Submitted on Wednesday, July 16, 2008
By Lara, 24, from Texas:

I have been in a relationship barely under one year. (I have had a four year relationship prior to this and feel like we are right on track for the most part) I truly adore him and love him immensely. We met and things just flew by. We moved in together after six months and talked of marriage for the entire time. I was open about not being ready. I have a wonderful relationship with his family and especially with my own. I come from a long line of zero divorce in my family so I am not quick to jump the gun. I believe when I make that commitment I will then be ready to bare the peaks and valleys that come with it. He is a very pampered 26 year-old and has began to realize things about life that I had years ago. Such as: the world is confusing, a lot of time nothing makes sense, having faith in the things that are in your control and out of your control is the best way to live, you can't blame everyone else for your shortcomings, etc. etc. I am grateful we didn't jump into marriage. However, he is taking strides backwards now and part of me believes that is why I am holding on tighter than ever. He's not ready for marriage and neither am I, but it was easier to feel this way when he didn't feel this way too. He is having insecurities about being able to provide for a family, which in my mind is way down the line. Are all of these feelings code for 'I never want to be married' - I have always believed that guys are pretty surface level and that perhaps slowing things down and breathing as a happy, young couple is what is best. Is there any advice for two people who are still in school, making lives for themselves, learning about life all while living together other than 'patience is a virtue?' Is the reflection of my doubt from him causing my insecurity? Is it my ego that is really having the issues? I should close this with, he wants us to stay as is and enjoy each other, and be carefree. I had been trying to get him to admit he was not ready for marriage either and it was really hard on him when he let this out and admitted how confused he was about the world (but apparently not about his feelings for me).

VictorM's advice:

Him worrying about providing for a family is not code for not wanting to get married. I think it's exactly the opposite of it. If there is one thing that most responsible man worry the most about starting a family is exactly that question. It's actually a good sign that he worries. Let him do it; it's a sign of him maturing and thinking of issues further down the road. It's a guy thing. Let him own that responsibility -- it makes him feel more like a man to do so. And that's a good thing.

Stop pushing him hard to admit anything. Feelings and thoughts should be discussed as a natural course of open communications. If you push for a specific outcome, you may get it just because he gets tired of talking about it and admitting what you want to hear gets you off his back. It really is not a good approach. Sometimes guys need more time to reach a certain conclusion because we don't do the level of self-analysis that women do, but given extra time, guys can reach an honest assessment on their own.

Other than that, everything about your submission sounds like you're in good shape. Just enjoy him and the relationship.