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Sunday, June 22, 2008
Time/energy
Submitted on Thursday, June 19, 2008
By lynda, 17, from texas:
I think I am fantasizing but who knows?
My best guy friend & I come from 2 very different groups of friends. His friends were mean about us, mine annoying. This spring, rumors fly I’m crushing on him. It got so out of hand & awkward, that I finally called him last week to tell him I value our relationship way too much to let something like that ruin us. He was so glad I called, said he loves talking to me & spending time with me but it's been really hard b/c his friends have given him so much crap about me. Since the call, we are so much more relaxed & free in our friendship. Getting closer everyday. During the 8-10 weeks all this was happening, he never stopped texting/talking, etc…with me. Was always attentive & pretty wonderful.
I know we’re just friends…but sometimes it seems like there’s something more brewing & I can’t tell for sure. I’m so willing to be patient to see where this leads or if it ever will. We get along really well & when we’re together we can’t stop talking…very compatible. I am content to be friends, but secretly hope someday it will be more. I know you have NO way of predicting the future, but could there be something more? I will probably never say anything to him about my “hopes” mostly because of recent phone conversations. But do guys invest a lot of time/energy in a girl they just want to be friends with? I have a few guy friends, but none like him…
VictorM's advice:
The answer to your questions is a big, fat, Texas size NO! A typical guy would not spend so much time with a girl and put up with grief from his friends to just be friends with her. I say he's fantasizing about you as much as you fantasize about him. But guys like taking things slow, so I don't expect him to rush into anything. He's going to make sure you're worth all the trouble before making a move, unless the attraction fizzes out. But if it does, so will the friendship.
By lynda, 17, from texas:
I think I am fantasizing but who knows?
My best guy friend & I come from 2 very different groups of friends. His friends were mean about us, mine annoying. This spring, rumors fly I’m crushing on him. It got so out of hand & awkward, that I finally called him last week to tell him I value our relationship way too much to let something like that ruin us. He was so glad I called, said he loves talking to me & spending time with me but it's been really hard b/c his friends have given him so much crap about me. Since the call, we are so much more relaxed & free in our friendship. Getting closer everyday. During the 8-10 weeks all this was happening, he never stopped texting/talking, etc…with me. Was always attentive & pretty wonderful.
I know we’re just friends…but sometimes it seems like there’s something more brewing & I can’t tell for sure. I’m so willing to be patient to see where this leads or if it ever will. We get along really well & when we’re together we can’t stop talking…very compatible. I am content to be friends, but secretly hope someday it will be more. I know you have NO way of predicting the future, but could there be something more? I will probably never say anything to him about my “hopes” mostly because of recent phone conversations. But do guys invest a lot of time/energy in a girl they just want to be friends with? I have a few guy friends, but none like him…
VictorM's advice:
The answer to your questions is a big, fat, Texas size NO! A typical guy would not spend so much time with a girl and put up with grief from his friends to just be friends with her. I say he's fantasizing about you as much as you fantasize about him. But guys like taking things slow, so I don't expect him to rush into anything. He's going to make sure you're worth all the trouble before making a move, unless the attraction fizzes out. But if it does, so will the friendship.
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lynn's response: okay, so you say he wouldn't invest that much effort for a girl that's just a friend...but we don't do anything together socially. except this weekend we met for dinner b/c i'm traveling for awhile. it's the 1st time we've done anything like that. here's another thing, girls are always chasing him & he ignores them...until a few weeks ago when he decided to makeout w/one for fun...he felt terrible afterwards. if he liked me as more than a friend, would he do that? i think he's just a really sweet guy that cares for me. right?
# posted by 
: 6:34 PM
: 6:34 PM
If he liked you would he have sex with another girl just for the hell of it? HELL YEAH! What does one thing have to do with another? :)
If you read my advice regularly, you'd see I say all the time that guys love to go very slow... they like to get to know the girl, have no attachments, just enjoy her company and see where things go. This could go on for months, even years.
But I don't believe for a second that he stays in touch with you because he's a s"sweet guy". He may not be willing to chance ruining the friendship and he may not even be contemplating a relationship with you at this point, but any thought that he doesn't have an interest beyond friend? I don't buy it.
If you read my advice regularly, you'd see I say all the time that guys love to go very slow... they like to get to know the girl, have no attachments, just enjoy her company and see where things go. This could go on for months, even years.
But I don't believe for a second that he stays in touch with you because he's a s"sweet guy". He may not be willing to chance ruining the friendship and he may not even be contemplating a relationship with you at this point, but any thought that he doesn't have an interest beyond friend? I don't buy it.
okay! so i see what you're saying and i'm understanding this "guy code" thing a little better. truly, i am fine with being his friend for now. i've got lots of fun left to experience and not only with him! any advice on how to be a good/great friend to him? he's super intelligent and pretty laid back.
p.s. i like the way you say things!
p.s. i like the way you say things!
# posted by : 6:48 PM
: 6:48 PM
You don't need any advice on that -- you're doing great all by yourself. Just keep doing whatever you've been doing.
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