Submitted on Sunday, June 22, 2008
By Cameron, 26, from AZ:

My exboyfriend and I have recently been hanging out as "friends" five times a week and we talk everyday. The communication and invitations go both ways (meaning I am not the one always calling or inviting him over) and I would like to know if he likes me. I would like to date him again, but since our break - up we have both changed quite a lot and I like the new "us". Should I make a move or just go with the flow?

VictorM's advice:

For now, there is no "new us". There's you and him, both putting your best feet forward and behaving as best as you can. You are getting along because you don't have the emotional attachments you had before. As soon as the obligations and expectations of a committed relationship return, then we'll see if you truly have changed. But frankly, don't count on it.

I don't know the history of your breakup but what you're experiencing now is quite common. Couples often return to the familiar and comfortable -- comfortable because there are no expectations -- as a way of easing their way out of each other's lives. In essence, giving it one more look before deciding this isn't salvageable. But comfortable and familiar also equals boring. And so, sooner or later, one of you, or both of you, will want the energy and excitement that being in love brings, but you'll want to be with someone who doesn't escalate that excitement into drama and tension. That's how you separate your good partners from the bad ones.

You were bad partners before; expecting that things changed just because you were apart may be asking too much. But I understand how you will need to answer this "what if" and give it that one more look to see if you can make things work this time around. If you go with the flow, this situation may go on for a long time (until he finds someone to fall in love with), so I suggest you bring it up and get an answer because staying with the current familiar and comfortable situation isn't going to be enough for you.