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Monday, June 23, 2008
I don't want to appear to be too eager to compliment
Submitted on Friday, June 20, 2008
By Nita, 41, from OK:
Hi Victor: Thanks for the terrific advice (of course!). We finally were able to arrange a lunch date. He has been travelling extensively overseas (since the end of the term) for research projects. Lunch was a blast! I must admit I was quite excited for a few dsys with anticipation. The conversation was easy-going and he spoke quite genuinely about his research projects, helping underprivileged people in remote areas of the world. There wasn't a lull in the conversation, but I did try to ask questions so he would continue to talk about himself. The lunch hour was longer than one-hour (which was great!). Although I invited him to lunch, he would not let me pick up the tab. I have a question - should I have acknowledged (commented) about his research and obvious interests/efforts? Is it too soon, or too personal, of me to comment on his interests? Since we have only had one lunch date, I don't want to appear to be too eager to compliment, or offer my opinions about his life. I am interested, of course, so how do I show that? After lunch, he said he had fun and that we "should do this again soon". I think I should leave the arrangements for the next date to him - do you concur? Your advice, is ALWAYS appreciated.
Thanks Victor!!!
VictorM's advice:
"I don't want to appear to be too eager to compliment" - Seriously, it's never too early to compliment him! Guys go through life without compliments because most women have attitudes such as yours. Change that! Guys are so starving for compliments that if you use them, man will flock to your feet. (By the way, you had me at your "of course" about my "terrific advice"). The same goes for showing interest in his activities, his passions, his areas of knowledge.
Don't believe me? Just try it with other guys... your mechanic, the bakery guy, the janitor, your coworkers... simple and sincere compliments will make you the most popular woman in the neighborhood.
By Nita, 41, from OK:
Hi Victor: Thanks for the terrific advice (of course!). We finally were able to arrange a lunch date. He has been travelling extensively overseas (since the end of the term) for research projects. Lunch was a blast! I must admit I was quite excited for a few dsys with anticipation. The conversation was easy-going and he spoke quite genuinely about his research projects, helping underprivileged people in remote areas of the world. There wasn't a lull in the conversation, but I did try to ask questions so he would continue to talk about himself. The lunch hour was longer than one-hour (which was great!). Although I invited him to lunch, he would not let me pick up the tab. I have a question - should I have acknowledged (commented) about his research and obvious interests/efforts? Is it too soon, or too personal, of me to comment on his interests? Since we have only had one lunch date, I don't want to appear to be too eager to compliment, or offer my opinions about his life. I am interested, of course, so how do I show that? After lunch, he said he had fun and that we "should do this again soon". I think I should leave the arrangements for the next date to him - do you concur? Your advice, is ALWAYS appreciated.
Thanks Victor!!!
VictorM's advice:
"I don't want to appear to be too eager to compliment" - Seriously, it's never too early to compliment him! Guys go through life without compliments because most women have attitudes such as yours. Change that! Guys are so starving for compliments that if you use them, man will flock to your feet. (By the way, you had me at your "of course" about my "terrific advice"). The same goes for showing interest in his activities, his passions, his areas of knowledge.
Don't believe me? Just try it with other guys... your mechanic, the bakery guy, the janitor, your coworkers... simple and sincere compliments will make you the most popular woman in the neighborhood.
Comments:
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Follow-up question by Nita
Hi again Victor: I know I can count on you for additional terrific advice! As I mentioned earlier, our lunch date was great fun and during lunch he said he would like us to get together again. During lunch he spoke about his research conference schedule (he is presenting papers at several overseas conferences this summer). With his travel schedule as it is, at this point, should I just wait for him to contact me? I don't want to be too eager, or too assertive. What do you recommend?
Thanks Victor!
Hi again Victor: I know I can count on you for additional terrific advice! As I mentioned earlier, our lunch date was great fun and during lunch he said he would like us to get together again. During lunch he spoke about his research conference schedule (he is presenting papers at several overseas conferences this summer). With his travel schedule as it is, at this point, should I just wait for him to contact me? I don't want to be too eager, or too assertive. What do you recommend?
Thanks Victor!
how he will respond is quite an individual thing. Your best best is to follow your instincts and do what fits your personality.
Could a guy be turned off by you being too eager or assertive? Sure. He could also be turned on by it.
Again, I go back to something I believe I mentioned to you once before: you can only play hard to get with a guy who is trying to get you. Otherwise, you have to seek opportunities to impress him.
In your case, I think showing interest is not a bad thing.
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Could a guy be turned off by you being too eager or assertive? Sure. He could also be turned on by it.
Again, I go back to something I believe I mentioned to you once before: you can only play hard to get with a guy who is trying to get you. Otherwise, you have to seek opportunities to impress him.
In your case, I think showing interest is not a bad thing.
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