I think i am in love with this guy that i met online and he lives all the way in California. We spend hours talking on the phone and online. We haven't met yet but plan to soon. My problem is that this guy tells me that he likes me a lot and is very much attracted to me and wants to be with me but somehow he always seems to dissappear without talking to me for a week and than starts talking to me for a week and then disappears again. I feel like i am the last thing on his mind and when i do tell him that he says it's nothing and doesn't open up to me and tell me what's going on...... it drives me crazy. He is perfect because we are so opposite of each other in so many ways and that adds spice to this relationship. He is funny and well informed and talking to him is always a pleasure. I don't know how to get to him... I don't know if he is interested or not. I don't want to say goodbye and live the rest of my life with 'what if'.....help me plz!

VictorM's advice:

Yes, yes, I get it: he's perfect expect for the times when he's not. Sorta reminds me of the song: "Everybody knows that you've been faithful, ah give or take a night or two."

Online relationships are misleading because what you are doing is replacing the unknown with imaginations of perfection. In your mind, he is exactly as a man should be, relative to all the things you don't know about him: his smell, his table manners, the way he dresses, the way he walks, etc. None of those things may meet your approval when you do meet him, but you don't want to consider that possibility because that would render him "not perfect" and that doesn't match your vision of the perfect mate.

Believe me, it's much easier to be funny and charming online than in person, particularly when you can disappear for a week at a time and you don't have to explain yourself.

But I know all about the "what if" part. I always strongly advise people to remove that doubt. You should resolve the "what if..." but you really should lower your expectations and drop the "he's perfect" bullshit because making you laugh and reading the news does not make one perfect. The list of things that are a problem to you will be long, you just don't see it yet.

So if you have to meet him to make sure, meet him. But some words of caution: 1) Do NOT visit him, have him come visit you so that you can plan to go to places that are safe; 2) Make sure someone close to you knows about this meeting; 3) Meet him first in a public place; 4) At the slightest hint that you're uncomfortable about him, step away.