I would like some advice about a past relationship. I had my first proper boyfriend this year, and we broke up about three months ago. What I wanted to ask is this: He was also my first sexual partner (he had had a few before), and I never really experienced much pleasure with him, but felt a great deal of pressure to because he said none of his other girlfriends (some of whom were also virgins) had had a problem with climaxing or anything. Eventually I just let him believe that I was orgasming when I wasn't (not even close) because I started to feel like something was wrong with me for not feeling those things, and I didn't want to disappoint him.
I feel really guilty for not being honest with him, but now I also feel quite angry with him for making me doubt myself when I know that a lot of women struggle to climax, and that sometimes, for some women, it takes months, even years to experience it. What I wanted to ask you (sorry, here comes the actual question, finally :) is that I have been considering coming clean to him, so that he maybe won't be so arrogant about his own abilities, and maybe won't make another girl feel the way I did, which is to question whether there's something wrong with me that I wasn't able to climax in the short amount of time we were actually together (which was less than 3 months). Do you think this is something I should do, or do you think it might just come across just as being spiteful or malicious? I know it will hurt him, but part of me feels that he ought to know. Any help? Please?

VictorM's advice:

Wow, what a terrific question!

Before I answer your question I just to reemphasize your point about different women orgasming at different times and also by different stimuli. Some girls don't orgasm with penetration. Some can't do it unless they're relaxed. Some just need a lot more time than others. There's also a good chance that some of the previous girls faked it, just like you did.

I'm very happy to see that you didn't let this ignorant jerk impact your self-worth. Kudos to you for that.

Now, as to your question... forget about what venting will do for him or for any future girl he deals with, for after all, you're not responsible for any of them. The question is, what will it do for you? If you'll feel better by letting him have it, have a go at him and do it. If you're doing it just for revenge and to make him feel bad -- and I gather that's not the reason -- then I would say don't do it. But I think there's great value to you get it out of your chest and let him know you have not been defeated by his ignorance.

If you do talk to him about it, I'd love to hear how it went. Please come back and let us know.