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Sunday, May 04, 2008
Reconnecting with old friends
Submitted on Tuesday, April 29, 2008
By Kate, 14, from Boston:
How do you reconnect with a guy who you were friends with before? I was good friends with this guy, but then he found out I liked him. We talked it over a few times, but talking really didn’t make anything better, it just put everything on the table. The big thing he mentioned is that I made him really uncomfortable, which I really didn’t mean to. I apologized, and now we basically don’t talk. When we do, it’s very cold, formal and unfriendly. I miss this guy a great deal and would really like to be friends again. Do you have any suggestions? Please help!
VictorM's advice:
Friendship is like doing the tango -- it takes two to make it work. You may wish all you want to regain the friendship but if he's not up to it, you should respect that and spend your energies making other friendships as good as they can get. Besides, if you show too much desire for him, it just confirms that you have feelings for him that he doesn't have for you, further scaring him away. Give him time and space and he might still come around; try too hard and you just push him away further.
By Kate, 14, from Boston:
How do you reconnect with a guy who you were friends with before? I was good friends with this guy, but then he found out I liked him. We talked it over a few times, but talking really didn’t make anything better, it just put everything on the table. The big thing he mentioned is that I made him really uncomfortable, which I really didn’t mean to. I apologized, and now we basically don’t talk. When we do, it’s very cold, formal and unfriendly. I miss this guy a great deal and would really like to be friends again. Do you have any suggestions? Please help!
VictorM's advice:
Friendship is like doing the tango -- it takes two to make it work. You may wish all you want to regain the friendship but if he's not up to it, you should respect that and spend your energies making other friendships as good as they can get. Besides, if you show too much desire for him, it just confirms that you have feelings for him that he doesn't have for you, further scaring him away. Give him time and space and he might still come around; try too hard and you just push him away further.
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