Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I've decided to leave my wife
Submitted on Sunday, May 25, 2008
By jojo, 51, from Tennessee:
After 28 rollercoaster years I've decided to leave my wife. It's been tough the last few weeks letting her know how I feel. She is not in the same place I am. I want to hurt her as little as possible so I've tried to let her down slowly.......it's been tough. I've also tried thinking outside of the box, interesting stuff, but nothing has got me out of the house, even though we are not sleeping together. Help me out with some ideas on how to make it happen. Thanks
VictorM's advice:
Letting her down slow is only fueling her sense of hope. I know you mean well, but it's not helping. If you are determined about moving on, move on. The sooner she accepts this as a reality, the sooner she can face her new situation. As it is now, you're both just prolonging the agony without fixing anything.
If you can afford your own place, or if you have a place to go, and you are sure this is what you want, pack your bags today and go. The sooner you do this, the better for both of you. At your ages (I'm assuming she's around your age), you can still have wonderful lives on your own or with new partners. Don't wait till all the ducks are lined up -- they never will!
But don't think life away from your wife is going to be a piece of cake. What happens is humans who live together for a while -- and 28 years is a huge amount of time -- become addicted to each other -- their smell, their touch, the sound of their voice, etc. Your body will suffer similar withdrawals that drug addicts do. Be prepared for that.
I don't give this advice lightly. I have been there. I wasn't married that long but still, very similar emotions were at play. Get friends, talk to people, see a professional counselor (I did and it was the best thing I've ever done), take your time finding your passion. And, last but not least, take the advice from the grandfather in Little Miss Sunshine: "Fuck a lot of woman!" (Metaphorically, I'm just saying don't get too eager to settle down with anyone. Learn to enjoy yourself before you look for a serious partner).
And get used to beating away younger women; they can't get enough of us "distinguished" gentlemen. ;)
Seriously, I wish you the best of luck. Just don't waste your time.
By jojo, 51, from Tennessee:
After 28 rollercoaster years I've decided to leave my wife. It's been tough the last few weeks letting her know how I feel. She is not in the same place I am. I want to hurt her as little as possible so I've tried to let her down slowly.......it's been tough. I've also tried thinking outside of the box, interesting stuff, but nothing has got me out of the house, even though we are not sleeping together. Help me out with some ideas on how to make it happen. Thanks
VictorM's advice:
Letting her down slow is only fueling her sense of hope. I know you mean well, but it's not helping. If you are determined about moving on, move on. The sooner she accepts this as a reality, the sooner she can face her new situation. As it is now, you're both just prolonging the agony without fixing anything.
If you can afford your own place, or if you have a place to go, and you are sure this is what you want, pack your bags today and go. The sooner you do this, the better for both of you. At your ages (I'm assuming she's around your age), you can still have wonderful lives on your own or with new partners. Don't wait till all the ducks are lined up -- they never will!
But don't think life away from your wife is going to be a piece of cake. What happens is humans who live together for a while -- and 28 years is a huge amount of time -- become addicted to each other -- their smell, their touch, the sound of their voice, etc. Your body will suffer similar withdrawals that drug addicts do. Be prepared for that.
I don't give this advice lightly. I have been there. I wasn't married that long but still, very similar emotions were at play. Get friends, talk to people, see a professional counselor (I did and it was the best thing I've ever done), take your time finding your passion. And, last but not least, take the advice from the grandfather in Little Miss Sunshine: "Fuck a lot of woman!" (Metaphorically, I'm just saying don't get too eager to settle down with anyone. Learn to enjoy yourself before you look for a serious partner).
And get used to beating away younger women; they can't get enough of us "distinguished" gentlemen. ;)
Seriously, I wish you the best of luck. Just don't waste your time.
Comments:
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And get used to beating away younger women; they can't get enough of us "distinguished" gentlemen.
I rolled my eyes at this until I saw the question below about the 18 year old and the 60 year old.
I'm guessing that's an extreme case, but yeah. Younger women like to hang out with older, more secure men. It's such a relief! We ladies have enough problems on our own without adding the troubles of some whiny ass "I'm still trying to figure it all out" juvenile male.
I firmly believe that men do not fully ripen until they hit 50. Men are like bananas? haha I won't go any further with that analogy.
I rolled my eyes at this until I saw the question below about the 18 year old and the 60 year old.
I'm guessing that's an extreme case, but yeah. Younger women like to hang out with older, more secure men. It's such a relief! We ladies have enough problems on our own without adding the troubles of some whiny ass "I'm still trying to figure it all out" juvenile male.
I firmly believe that men do not fully ripen until they hit 50. Men are like bananas? haha I won't go any further with that analogy.
# posted by 
: 6:43 PM
: 6:43 PM
Yeah, younger women like older men with full wallets. I have seen how just a little flattery to an older man from a younger woman makes money fly out their wallet. And, don't forget the endless "favors" these women ask of them. I have female friends that do this:
1. have a lover their age, but this lover cannot give them material things.
2. keep the younger lover and also have someone they call a "Father figure". They know an older man will usually want less sex, but give more.
3. Brag to all their friends about the hot young lover and the older "Father" figure that gives them things like a daddy that spoils his baby girl.
If this man can live with this, then go for it. Myself, if I were him, I would steer clear of these "blood suckers". There are lots of women closer to his age that are hot and also settled emotionally and financially. I have seen my own Father go through this, and it is hard to handle this the older a man gets. My dad came to the conclusion (and gave this advice to my 4 brothers!) the older the better when it comes to women!
1. have a lover their age, but this lover cannot give them material things.
2. keep the younger lover and also have someone they call a "Father figure". They know an older man will usually want less sex, but give more.
3. Brag to all their friends about the hot young lover and the older "Father" figure that gives them things like a daddy that spoils his baby girl.
If this man can live with this, then go for it. Myself, if I were him, I would steer clear of these "blood suckers". There are lots of women closer to his age that are hot and also settled emotionally and financially. I have seen my own Father go through this, and it is hard to handle this the older a man gets. My dad came to the conclusion (and gave this advice to my 4 brothers!) the older the better when it comes to women!
# posted by : 9:36 AM
: 9:36 AM
Sure, but I bet your Dad had plenty of fun while it lasted. Some men would call that money well spent.
Not all younger women/older men relationships revolve around money. Sometimes it is just about great conversation. And sex. ;)
Not all younger women/older men relationships revolve around money. Sometimes it is just about great conversation. And sex. ;)
# posted by : 11:22 AM
: 11:22 AM
Yes, he did enjoy the company. But, I find that sometimes younger women will wander off for a while and come back just to make sure that "daddy" is still there for her. Thats when my dad had a hard time. He had several women. But, it was hard for him, knowing that if he was broke, the great conversation would not be so great to her. I also find that can true when it is an older woman with money and a younger man. I know LOTS of older women courting guys barely legal. some are genuine and most are for the free flowing money.
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# posted by : 10:26 AM
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