Submitted on Monday, April 28, 2008
By Toni, 26, from PA:

Ok here goes...I'm in a great relationship, for a year now actually. We'd been friends for a while before, and even in a band together (which is still going). We have a ton of things in common, both love music, both love video games...the list goes on. There of course is just one problem. He never, and I mean never wants to have sex or be intimate at all. We've gone 2 months already with him not even trying to touch me. I mean sure he'll kiss me and tell me he loves me, but nothing physical. I've talked about it with him and he basically says he can't help it, its just the way he is, he just doesn't think about that stuff. I've even flat out asked him if he's not attracted to me and he tells me I'm being stupid. I know he's been in bad relationships, especially his last who he now has a year and a half little girl with. We recently moved into a house together and I was hoping that would change things, but no luck. Do I just need to continue to give him time? I am honestly a very sexual person and if I didn't care so much about him this would be a bigger deal than it is (part of me wonders if he is testing me to see if I would cheat on him because thats been a big thing with him in the past), but honestly I'm tired of having to "handle things myself". Everyone (friends and family) has told me what a huge deal it is that he tells me he loves me and that HE suggested we move in together, and everything would be perfect except....Can you please please tell me what he's really thinking and if there's anything I can do other than wait?

VictorM's advice:

Have you written to me before about this? This question sounds awfully familiar.

In any case, a man in his 20's not having a sexual appetitive is not normal. You need to treat this as a medical condition that requires attention. There are a lot of possibilities for his condition, from physical to mental, but whatever the reason, he has to let a doctor address this, no differently than if he had cancer or diabetes.

Remove yourself from the equation. This has nothing to do with you. Assuming that this is a reflection of his feelings for you doesn't help anyone. The best you can do is convince him to see a doctor, preferably a sex therapist.