I was in a on and off again relationship with my high school sweetheart for 13 years (1992-2005). I went away for college (only 2 hours) but would come home on a regular basis to see him. When I graduated I moved back home but after about 2 years I got a job 2 hours away. I was gone for about 15 months before I moved back to be closer to him. That was October 2004. In February of 2005 I found out he had been cheating on me, I thought we were trying to work through it but I kept catching him in lies so about April 2005 he broke up with me. We never lost contact but rarely spent time together and have had no physical relationship since October 2006. He would always tell me that he just didn't want to be in a relationship right now but I kept tabs on him and noticed he remained in contact with the female he cheated on me with. In November 2006 I found out she was 4 months pregnant which he said he didn't know if it was his baby or not. This story was told up until after the little girl was born in which he had not gotten a DNA test like he said he would but claims her as his own. He keeps telling me that the girl is just his baby's mama, she's not his cup of tea, and he doesn't want to be with her. He will call me up just to say how much he still loves me but I never see him. I am an emotional wreck right now, I feel like my heart is being ripped out over and over again. I'm tired of the lies and I want to know what is up with him. How can he just treat the person who's stood by his side for 13+ years like nothing? I really love him but I can't take this treatment anymore. I have lost my dignity, my self-esteem, and my sanity. What should I do and what do you think his problem is?

VictorM's advice:

Really, why give a shit about his problem? You're the one that needs to resolve your problems. If you do, you'll stop wondering about him.

From a guy's point of you, there were no 13 years. There were too many gaps, he was not always into you, and he broke up with you. Being there for him, whether you like to hear it or not, is seen as a sign of weakness. Listening to him telling you that he loves is a sign of weakness. Being emotionally wrecked is a sign of weakness. And most guys don't like a weak women. He treats you like nothing because, frankly, he thinks there is nothing between you two. And he's right.

Your inability to recognize when someone is not into you and is feeding you bullshit lines is the problem. Your dignity and self-esteem will not improve as long as you continue to look back and allow yourself to be judged by a man such as he. The self-pity and the melodramatics will get you nowhere. Your heart is not being ripped; it's there, beating and ready to go on.

It's time to buy some new clothes, change your hair style, engage in new hobbies, go to new places, make new friends, hit the gym, play loud music, get rid of the junk food, get brighter lights in the house, and start enjoying life without a man around. If one comes around, great, but if not, mortgaging your future to that loser sounds like a big waste of a life.