Submitted on Monday, March 24, 2008
By Rain, 24, from Bangkok:

My boyfriend is 37, I'm 24. he is always working hard so he doesn't have enough time for me. He talks sincerely to me about how our relationship should be. He is not so into frequent phone calls and dates. He said that he would feel obliged to do them if I whine about he's not calling me or taking me out on the dates. He also tries to remind me that his past relationships with other girls failed because they were too much sensitive about his distant presence almost all the time due to his lots of work and then they had to break up. He told me that his relationship value did not match the women's, his is Freedom and theirs Togetherness with a partner. So I have given myself a superficial advice of not to behave like those girls in order to just show I want whatever best for him or what he ask me to do according to his wants or wishes. I have to pretend that I'm fine in not expressing my distressful emotions to him about his disappearance. I have to caution about not letting him know that I'm not as strong as he pictures me to be. Finally, Victor, could you show me please how to change him or make him at least break his own rules of not always being together with me (his sole partner)? Are many men similar to him when it comes to having a relationship?

VictorM's advice:

Many men are like him, but most are not.

He's been direct with you about what to expect from him. In return, you are pretending and basically lying to him, hoping that somehow he changes. You're on course for much unhappiness.

I have no ideas to change him. But I have an idea for you: be honest with him about your expectations and wants. If he can't accommodate you, move on. Some other guy will.