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Monday, March 24, 2008
Is it wrong to like my cousin?
Submitted on Sunday, March 23, 2008
By Ashley, from SF:
Is it wrong to like my dad's sister's son, my cousin? He always fools around with me, tickling me, and touches my hands, does it mean he likes me? I know for sure that he won't do it to other girls. He sleeps in my bed at times. I'm so confused. Does he like me?
VictorM's advice:
It is quite possible that he likes you. But it's possible that he does those things just because he knows he can get away with it. You don't specify your ages but I'm guessing you're both teenagers, and teenage boys will cop a feel if they can just because girls are fun to touch.
Is it wrong to like your cousin? Well, societies have a way of imposing certain unwritten rules, sometimes out of sheer stupidity, sometimes for good reason. There was a time when first cousins married all the time, and even today, that's common in some societies. But we have learned that birth defects are more common the tighter the gene pool is, so marrying first cousins has become frowned upon, even if it's not illegal.
In the USA, it seems to me (I have never seen a study that confirms this), most people find the idea of being in a relationship with a first cousin kinda icky.
By Ashley, from SF:
Is it wrong to like my dad's sister's son, my cousin? He always fools around with me, tickling me, and touches my hands, does it mean he likes me? I know for sure that he won't do it to other girls. He sleeps in my bed at times. I'm so confused. Does he like me?
VictorM's advice:
It is quite possible that he likes you. But it's possible that he does those things just because he knows he can get away with it. You don't specify your ages but I'm guessing you're both teenagers, and teenage boys will cop a feel if they can just because girls are fun to touch.
Is it wrong to like your cousin? Well, societies have a way of imposing certain unwritten rules, sometimes out of sheer stupidity, sometimes for good reason. There was a time when first cousins married all the time, and even today, that's common in some societies. But we have learned that birth defects are more common the tighter the gene pool is, so marrying first cousins has become frowned upon, even if it's not illegal.
In the USA, it seems to me (I have never seen a study that confirms this), most people find the idea of being in a relationship with a first cousin kinda icky.
Comments:
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My Mother's 2 first cousins married (this would be in the 1940's and acceptable in that time). They had 5 children, 3 of which were badly deformed and died as teenagers. The other 2 children were fine. I believe that this would possibly cause embarrassment and would be awkward today. Back in the day, people married cousins primarily due to not being able to travel out of the community to find other mates. Remember, if you date and then break-up, for the rest of your life you will see this guy whenever the family would get together.
# posted by 
: 10:11 PM
: 10:11 PM
In today's "enlightened" society you would think taboos on things like this would have begun to diminish, but unfortunately I think the discovery of how children of close relatives can suffer (as per anonymous's comment) is too disturbing for most people to get over. Personally, I don't think there's anything "icky" about a relationship with a cousin as long as you DON'T have children with them (easy to do nowadays), but unfortunately I don't think the rest of society, and certainly not your family, would agree.
It's hard to like someone and know you can't have them for a stupid reason like "society says so" but I don't think there's anyway around it in this case - and if you discover you cousin definitely does have feelings for you you should tell him this. Believe me, there will be PLENTY of other boys who people WON'T freak out about you dating. Just be patient. And for a humorous but pretty accurate assessment of this problem, go watch the entire series of Arrested Development, particularly season 3.
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It's hard to like someone and know you can't have them for a stupid reason like "society says so" but I don't think there's anyway around it in this case - and if you discover you cousin definitely does have feelings for you you should tell him this. Believe me, there will be PLENTY of other boys who people WON'T freak out about you dating. Just be patient. And for a humorous but pretty accurate assessment of this problem, go watch the entire series of Arrested Development, particularly season 3.
# posted by : 12:47 AM
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