I have been seeing that recently divorced guy a LOT. We've been going out with friends or each other about twice a week for the past 3.5 months. We always have fun with each other and we have great chemistry. We've gotten a little intimate with each other and just this past Wednesday we had sex. I let my hormones run away with me. :[ It was really awesome, though. I can't deny it.

Now, my question is this: Why the fuck hasn't he opened up to me about his divorce and his feelings (or lack thereof) for me? I've been honest with him. I would just like the same from him. Here's the kicker: He recently asked if we could be exclusive with each other...but I don't want to be exclusive with someone who is not emotionally available for me. Before you go on about how we women get too emotional about all this relationship crap, let me just mention that I was fine with us dating casually and being "friends" that kiss and occasionally touch each other intimately...until he suggested exclusivity.

Is it asking too much from him to let me in emotionally before I say yes to a proposition like that? Am I being too pushy? I just want to know what I'd be getting myself into. He is really guarded and I understand that he just got out of a 4-year relationship, but he's the one that started that whole exclusivity nonsense. What should I do, Vic? I was thinking about letting him go for a bit, to give each other some time to really think, breathe, and get back to our individual lives. I don't want him to think I don't like him, because I honestly really do...but what does he expect me to do? I can't just eliminate every other possible match for me just to please him, can I? No sir. Not if he's not emotionally available for me.

So what's the word, Victor? Give me your insight as an outsider. Thanks so much. :)

VictorM's advice:

I remember you Griz. You can keep mentioning the super blow job if you want, but I'd remember you even without that mention. But hey, if you want to toot your own horn, fine with me. :)

I think the way he's going about it makes sense: you date casualty to get a sense that you're somewhat of a match, you progress to being exclusive, which raises the seriousness of the relationship, and if that continues to progress well, eventually you get into more personal and deeper stuff. Stuff that is more painful to talk about. I mean, why should he pour his soul out to you unless he feels there's a good chance of a future with you? It would be a waste of time if he talked about his divorce with everyone he dated a few times.

Besides that, it sound par for the course for a guy not to talk about another women with the woman he just started dating. He's focusing on you and doesn't want to spoil it by talking about another woman with whom he was intimate. Of course eventually you two will have to talk about it, but I don't see it needing to be talked about so soon.

Keep in mind that you are going to get a very distorted version of what really happened between him and his ex. I'm not saying he will lie to you on purpose, I just mean that events that unfolded under very stressful emotional times are remembered through a lens that seldom mirrors reality. I'm not saying it's not important for you to listen, but don't place too much importance of it.

What matters is now. Chances are that he's learned some lessons and he just needs to answer for what he does now, with you.

But I excuse you for getting the sequence wrong; after all, I know what you did on the first date. :-p