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Sunday, March 23, 2008
Guys don't approach me because I'm intimidating
Submitted on Saturday, March 22, 2008
By Alexandra, 21:
I've never had a boyfriend and a guy in my lab told me that guys don't approach me because I'm intimidating but I don't think it's true. I'm very nice but guys don't seem to want to talk to me. There is a guy that I'm interested in but I don't know if he's shy or not interested. He's always quiet to talk to other girls when I'm around but I've seen him from afar and he's not the totally quiet type at all. Please let me know what I can do to talk to more guys.
VictorM's advice:
(To all: a confidential link to Alexandra's pictures was included with the submission).
After seeing your pictures I have to agree with the guy at the lab: I can see why guys would be intimidated by you; you're quite striking. It's quite possible for guys to think: a) you're so attractive that you must already have a boyfriend, so why bother, and/or b) you're so attractive that you must have higher standards for a guy than most guys feel they can meet, and/or c) lots of guy, while they fantasize about a girl with your beauty in reality prefer not to have such a girlfriend because she'd get too much attention from other guys.
What you say about the guy you're interested in (that he changes his behavior when you're around) is the best sign that a guy is interested in you. So he's either too shy or is intimidated by you.
Guys that don't have the confidence to approach you would most likely not be the type of guys that would help your happiness. That's one way to look at the lack of boyfriends. But at the same time, to expect prince charming to come knocking on your lab is not quite realistic either. You have to push your chances along.
Don't be shy about mentioning to your friends, colleagues, fellow students and others that you're open to dating. You don't have to talk in a way that begs for pity, but you could mention that it would be nice if... that sorta thing. Frequent places where guys go in greater numbers than girls (sports bars, athletic groups, bicycle clubs,Hooters restaurants, etc.) I realize that your picture may have been taken for a special occasion, but if you dress that classy all the time, you might want to consider dressing down (jeans, less glitter, etc.) more often, anything to come across as more "girl-next-door." You have a wonderful smile; use it often when in public. Also, don't wait for a guy who look like David Beckham to go out with; make yourself available and willing to go out on dates with more average looking guys. This sends the message that you're open to dating.
As for the guy you're interested, find out topics of interest to him and ask open-ended questions about them. If you get a chance to talk to him enough, give him opportunities to ask you out without having to ask. For example, when you are talking to him alone, mention you'd like to go to some event (movie, sports event, play, etc.) but you'd hate to go alone. That gives him the chance to invite himself to go with you. If you're courageous enough, you can go further by asking if he's like to come along.
*looks at your pictures again*... oh yeah, smile a lot. :)
By Alexandra, 21:
I've never had a boyfriend and a guy in my lab told me that guys don't approach me because I'm intimidating but I don't think it's true. I'm very nice but guys don't seem to want to talk to me. There is a guy that I'm interested in but I don't know if he's shy or not interested. He's always quiet to talk to other girls when I'm around but I've seen him from afar and he's not the totally quiet type at all. Please let me know what I can do to talk to more guys.
VictorM's advice:
(To all: a confidential link to Alexandra's pictures was included with the submission).
After seeing your pictures I have to agree with the guy at the lab: I can see why guys would be intimidated by you; you're quite striking. It's quite possible for guys to think: a) you're so attractive that you must already have a boyfriend, so why bother, and/or b) you're so attractive that you must have higher standards for a guy than most guys feel they can meet, and/or c) lots of guy, while they fantasize about a girl with your beauty in reality prefer not to have such a girlfriend because she'd get too much attention from other guys.
What you say about the guy you're interested in (that he changes his behavior when you're around) is the best sign that a guy is interested in you. So he's either too shy or is intimidated by you.
Guys that don't have the confidence to approach you would most likely not be the type of guys that would help your happiness. That's one way to look at the lack of boyfriends. But at the same time, to expect prince charming to come knocking on your lab is not quite realistic either. You have to push your chances along.
Don't be shy about mentioning to your friends, colleagues, fellow students and others that you're open to dating. You don't have to talk in a way that begs for pity, but you could mention that it would be nice if... that sorta thing. Frequent places where guys go in greater numbers than girls (sports bars, athletic groups, bicycle clubs,
As for the guy you're interested, find out topics of interest to him and ask open-ended questions about them. If you get a chance to talk to him enough, give him opportunities to ask you out without having to ask. For example, when you are talking to him alone, mention you'd like to go to some event (movie, sports event, play, etc.) but you'd hate to go alone. That gives him the chance to invite himself to go with you. If you're courageous enough, you can go further by asking if he's like to come along.
*looks at your pictures again*... oh yeah, smile a lot. :)
Comments:
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Dear Victor,
Thank you so much for your advice. If I ask the guy to come along would I look desperate? I'm very afraid of looking very desperate (when in reality I think I am because no one talks to me).
Thank you so much for your advice. If I ask the guy to come along would I look desperate? I'm very afraid of looking very desperate (when in reality I think I am because no one talks to me).
# posted by 
: 1:18 PM
: 1:18 PM
The guy won't think you're desperate. Even if he's not interested in you, the guy will feel great about himself that a girl like you asked him.
I think it's important for you to get into a more positive frame of mind. You're not desperate; you just decided to make yourself more available to dating.
One warning: things come in bunches. Once you start going out guys will sense this about you and chances are that you'll go from having no one ask you out to having a bunch of guys do it. Believe me, with your looks, once you start sending out the right vibes, guys will flock to you. You just need to take the first steps.
I think it's important for you to get into a more positive frame of mind. You're not desperate; you just decided to make yourself more available to dating.
One warning: things come in bunches. Once you start going out guys will sense this about you and chances are that you'll go from having no one ask you out to having a bunch of guys do it. Believe me, with your looks, once you start sending out the right vibes, guys will flock to you. You just need to take the first steps.
Dear Victor,
I really hope you say wasn't lip service ;P My 'goal' for this school year is just to get a kiss from a guy that I like (I've never been kissed). Wish me luck and I'll keep you updated!
PS Should I be telling the guy(s) I meet that I'm a biochemistry and mathematics major?? Would that look too nerdy?
I really hope you say wasn't lip service ;P My 'goal' for this school year is just to get a kiss from a guy that I like (I've never been kissed). Wish me luck and I'll keep you updated!
PS Should I be telling the guy(s) I meet that I'm a biochemistry and mathematics major?? Would that look too nerdy?
# posted by : 7:12 PM
: 7:12 PM
Um... I would wait for the second or third date... AFTER you get your kiss. :) Unless the guy asks. You should hide neither your looks nor your brains but no need to intimidate your average Joe yet.
Yes, Victor's got it right, this is the common "jerk syndrome" wherein guys will chase after every girl in the room except the most attractive. Being smart and nice to them probably just makes matters worse. The important thing is to not be afraid to put yourself out there - yes it's scary and yes guys will turn you down even though (or sometimes because) you're so attractive, but that's the only way to let the male community at large know your a real person and not some goddess to be worshiped from afar.
P.S. Don't worry about your major, every major has nerds and cool kids, unless your ONLY interests are math and biochem, he won't care. I'm a BIG math nerd and none of the guys I meet seem to mind.
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P.S. Don't worry about your major, every major has nerds and cool kids, unless your ONLY interests are math and biochem, he won't care. I'm a BIG math nerd and none of the guys I meet seem to mind.
# posted by : 12:59 AM
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