Submitted on Wednesday, February 20, 2008
By Nicki, 21, from Texas:

I have been talking to this guy for like a year already, and the other night we almost did the deed for the first time. He got up like twice so nothing got to happen. He started acting strange. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. The next day came and I tried to call him and he didn't answer. When I finally talk to him I asked him to go out and he said not tonight. I feel like he is avoiding me and I'm scared. I want to ask him if he thinks that we will ever move to the next step and be in a relationship. Twice he has gotten jealous, but he does not act like my boyfriend. Should I ask him the question and just get it over and done with it? Or should I just wait and see what happens?

VictorM's advice:

You say you have been talking for a year. That doesn't sound like you were boyfriend/girlfriend. And you also say that he doesn't act like your boyfriend. So I'm going to assume you have a fairly passive relationship at best.

With that in mind, I can think of two distinctive possibilities: One, he was nervous about having sex with you (maybe he's inexperienced?) and since you came so close to sex that one night he's avoiding you because he's not ready for sex; or two, he saw the almost sex situation as being too close to the start of a relationship and he doesn't want that.

What's the point of asking where you're headed when it doesn't appear you are anywhere yet? Besides, asking that question sets the guy up either to lie or run for the hills. You don't have to ask. Whether it's the fear of sex or of commitment, if he doesn't seek you, you get a more truthful answer.