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Friday, February 22, 2008
Things have moved rather fast
Submitted on Tuesday, February 19, 2008
By julie, 35, from minnesota:
I've been dating a guy for a month now. Things have moved rather fast, and we are spending a lot of time together. We have agreed to be exclusive, and have both agreed that at this point in our lives we are looking for a serious relationship (marriage eventually). The problem is, we have had sex three times, and there seems to be a bit of a problem with "erectile dysfunction". To put it bluntly, he has lost it twice during the act. I've never encountered this problem before, and I'm not sure how to deal with it?? I don't think it is a medical problem, so I can't help but feel that it is personal...but, he seems attracted to me and interested in sex. There has been one "successful" encounter. I guess I have multiple questions, do I take this personally, is this abnormal, what can I do about this? Otherwise, everything seems really good.
VictorM's advice:
The first thing you must do is not take it personally. His ED has nothing to do with you. It's either a physical or emotional problem that has nothing to do with you.
Some guys require having sex with the same partner several before they can fire on all cylinders. Sometimes it's hit and miss, but in these cases, once a guy feels safe and confident, all will be fine after a while. You could just give it a few more times and see how it goes. Meanwhile, be understanding without making a big fuss about it.
Alcohol can be an issue. If the pattern is related to the amount of drinking involved, get him used to drinking water. Drugs could also be a problem. In addition, there could be other factors, such as stress, worry, and anxiety, that affect him sometimes. Make sure the environment is to his liking and that he's comfortable in with the setting.
If the problem persists, a visit to a sex therapist or a doctor is in order. You really don't know if there's a medical problem or not. With drugs such as Viagra, Cialis and others, this doesn't have to be an issue, so don't allow this to blow out of proportion.
But in any case, it's not you. If a guy gets excited enough to want to be with you, anything after that is not you. And blaming yourself, believe it or not, just adds to his stress, so don't do it.
By julie, 35, from minnesota:
I've been dating a guy for a month now. Things have moved rather fast, and we are spending a lot of time together. We have agreed to be exclusive, and have both agreed that at this point in our lives we are looking for a serious relationship (marriage eventually). The problem is, we have had sex three times, and there seems to be a bit of a problem with "erectile dysfunction". To put it bluntly, he has lost it twice during the act. I've never encountered this problem before, and I'm not sure how to deal with it?? I don't think it is a medical problem, so I can't help but feel that it is personal...but, he seems attracted to me and interested in sex. There has been one "successful" encounter. I guess I have multiple questions, do I take this personally, is this abnormal, what can I do about this? Otherwise, everything seems really good.
VictorM's advice:
The first thing you must do is not take it personally. His ED has nothing to do with you. It's either a physical or emotional problem that has nothing to do with you.
Some guys require having sex with the same partner several before they can fire on all cylinders. Sometimes it's hit and miss, but in these cases, once a guy feels safe and confident, all will be fine after a while. You could just give it a few more times and see how it goes. Meanwhile, be understanding without making a big fuss about it.
Alcohol can be an issue. If the pattern is related to the amount of drinking involved, get him used to drinking water. Drugs could also be a problem. In addition, there could be other factors, such as stress, worry, and anxiety, that affect him sometimes. Make sure the environment is to his liking and that he's comfortable in with the setting.
If the problem persists, a visit to a sex therapist or a doctor is in order. You really don't know if there's a medical problem or not. With drugs such as Viagra, Cialis and others, this doesn't have to be an issue, so don't allow this to blow out of proportion.
But in any case, it's not you. If a guy gets excited enough to want to be with you, anything after that is not you. And blaming yourself, believe it or not, just adds to his stress, so don't do it.
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had the same problem with my guy. It should get better. Victor is right, give him time to get comfortable with you. DON'T ever make a big deal out of it with him. If it happens in the middle of the act, just sweetly suggest that he lay next to you and rest. Most of the time my guy would take a few minutes, and be ready for action!!
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# posted by 
: 2:34 PM
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