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Monday, February 25, 2008
Our relationship has been more of a "friends with benefits"
Submitted on Friday, February 22, 2008
By Tess, 23, from Colorado:
I have been seeing the same guy for the past three and a half years. He is someone that I love and can see myself having a wonderful future with. However right now we are off, and have been for the past two years. Frankly, our relationship has been more of a "friends with benefits." We see each other almost everyday, and even spend holidays and birthdays together. The problem is, that he wants us to remain this way because, he gets what he wants without all of the hassle. I want the title of girlfriend and boyfriend. The reasoning behind this is because I want to feel wanted and not taken advantage of. I have waited for two years for him to make a commitment to me, but each time I bring up the subject, it turns into a huge fight and things get no where. Why is keeping the relationship like this so important to him? And why won't he make a commitment to me? Two years seems long enough to wait, am I being silly by asking for more out of him?
VictorM's advice:
Yes, you are being silly. But that's because you're in denial. You simple refuse to accept the obvious: he's not into you. That's why he doesn't want to commit. You're just filling a void until he finds the girl of his dreams.
By Tess, 23, from Colorado:
I have been seeing the same guy for the past three and a half years. He is someone that I love and can see myself having a wonderful future with. However right now we are off, and have been for the past two years. Frankly, our relationship has been more of a "friends with benefits." We see each other almost everyday, and even spend holidays and birthdays together. The problem is, that he wants us to remain this way because, he gets what he wants without all of the hassle. I want the title of girlfriend and boyfriend. The reasoning behind this is because I want to feel wanted and not taken advantage of. I have waited for two years for him to make a commitment to me, but each time I bring up the subject, it turns into a huge fight and things get no where. Why is keeping the relationship like this so important to him? And why won't he make a commitment to me? Two years seems long enough to wait, am I being silly by asking for more out of him?
VictorM's advice:
Yes, you are being silly. But that's because you're in denial. You simple refuse to accept the obvious: he's not into you. That's why he doesn't want to commit. You're just filling a void until he finds the girl of his dreams.
Comments:
Victor, can guys really go out with a girl for 3 years and spend that much time with her if he's not into her?
Of course they can. As I say often, guys are basically lazy. If a girl is "good enough" they'll settle. He doesn't have to be into her if he at least has it easy (what that is can vary from guy to guy).
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Three and a half years? Seeing each other almost everyday, and even spending holidays and birthdays together???!!!
Sounds like he's into you, but he just has a fear of commitment. Did his parents go through a bad divorce or something?
Victor, can guys really go out with a girl for 3 years and spend that much time with her if he's not into her? I find this hard to believe. I mean, it sounds like there's already a lot of stability and expectation built into this relationship. From both sides. What, is the girl of his dreams going to suddenly appear out of nowhere? What makes you think he would commit to her anymore than he has to Tess?
Sounds like he's into you, but he just has a fear of commitment. Did his parents go through a bad divorce or something?
Victor, can guys really go out with a girl for 3 years and spend that much time with her if he's not into her? I find this hard to believe. I mean, it sounds like there's already a lot of stability and expectation built into this relationship. From both sides. What, is the girl of his dreams going to suddenly appear out of nowhere? What makes you think he would commit to her anymore than he has to Tess?
# posted by 
: 6:37 PM
: 6:37 PM Victor, can guys really go out with a girl for 3 years and spend that much time with her if he's not into her?
Of course they can. As I say often, guys are basically lazy. If a girl is "good enough" they'll settle. He doesn't have to be into her if he at least has it easy (what that is can vary from guy to guy).
Really? Laziness can explain dirty socks on the floor or empty ice cream containers on the floor, but spending almost every day with someone for 3 years and still not being sure?
I'm sorry, but that's just defective.
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I'm sorry, but that's just defective.
# posted by : 2:08 PM
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