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Thursday, February 28, 2008
I found out there was another women
Submitted on Tuesday, February 26, 2008
By debbie, 44, from new york:
Ended a friend with benefits situation 3 weeks ago not because I didn't care but I found out there was another woman. I blasted him out about this and then apologized because I knew I was wrong. Now I don't even get any return calls for messages I have left or the acknowledgement that at least he read my email saying I was sorry. Could it be over and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore or could there be a chance of getting back together after some time has past?
VictorM's advice:
Guys can get over things like nothing happened after they brood over it for a while. So yeah, he could come back, but I wouldn't bet on it.
Part of the beauty of friends with no benefits is the freedom from the hassles. You pretty much ruined that. An apology doesn't change that you didn't have the friends with benefits mentality that he was expecting. He's no dummy. He now realizes that you have feelings that clash with his perception of the ideal situation.
I still don't get you. You say things like: "Getting back together" and "hurt me." That sounds like language related to a relationship, not to friends with benefits. Either don't call what you had "friends with benefits" or change your attitude because it sounds like you're seeking a relationship. If he's perceiving it this way, and he has no interest in a relationship, then he's not coming back.
By debbie, 44, from new york:
Ended a friend with benefits situation 3 weeks ago not because I didn't care but I found out there was another woman. I blasted him out about this and then apologized because I knew I was wrong. Now I don't even get any return calls for messages I have left or the acknowledgement that at least he read my email saying I was sorry. Could it be over and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore or could there be a chance of getting back together after some time has past?
VictorM's advice:
Guys can get over things like nothing happened after they brood over it for a while. So yeah, he could come back, but I wouldn't bet on it.
Part of the beauty of friends with no benefits is the freedom from the hassles. You pretty much ruined that. An apology doesn't change that you didn't have the friends with benefits mentality that he was expecting. He's no dummy. He now realizes that you have feelings that clash with his perception of the ideal situation.
I still don't get you. You say things like: "Getting back together" and "hurt me." That sounds like language related to a relationship, not to friends with benefits. Either don't call what you had "friends with benefits" or change your attitude because it sounds like you're seeking a relationship. If he's perceiving it this way, and he has no interest in a relationship, then he's not coming back.
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victor is right. You are sending a sign that you would like an exclusive relationship, not a friends with benefits. And why not? women crave that exclusive relationship with a man. women want to be the princess! find yourself a man that can make you his princess!!
# posted by 
: 8:58 AM
: 8:58 AM
Did I hear my name? ;)
Look, even when people do the friends + benefits thing, there IS still a friendship relationship, right? Which implies some level of caring. Now sure, you scared him off pretty good with your overreaction. But to completely ignore you spells out c-o-w-a-r-d in my book.
People (men included) sometimes lie to themselves about these relationships and start seeing them as something more serious than they are. That's why it's important to check the emotional temperature of your sexual partner, friend-based or otherwise, throughout the relationship. Let them know which way the wind blows for you, be honest with them about your feelings, even if it puts you at a risk for losing their company. Better to check along the way rather than bottle it up and spring it on them like you did.
Look, even when people do the friends + benefits thing, there IS still a friendship relationship, right? Which implies some level of caring. Now sure, you scared him off pretty good with your overreaction. But to completely ignore you spells out c-o-w-a-r-d in my book.
People (men included) sometimes lie to themselves about these relationships and start seeing them as something more serious than they are. That's why it's important to check the emotional temperature of your sexual partner, friend-based or otherwise, throughout the relationship. Let them know which way the wind blows for you, be honest with them about your feelings, even if it puts you at a risk for losing their company. Better to check along the way rather than bottle it up and spring it on them like you did.
# posted by : 1:27 PM
: 1:27 PM
Let a week or so pass by before doing anything. You've already contacted him, he knows how you feel...I wouldn't bombard him with attention right now. Just let him soak it all in and see what happens after a short break from each other.
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# posted by : 8:25 PM
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