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Monday, January 28, 2008
We just looked at each other not even a smile
Submitted on Friday, January 25, 2008
By Sam, 20, from NY:
So I go to NYU and there is this guy I see him in passing, the first time I saw him I was attracted. And well the first time he saw me we just looked at each other not even a smile…his eyes were kinda big not scared but more like “what do I do?” (I guess) and I got too scared to smile also so he just walked past me and said nothing…
[honestly though it is not just him who looks at me like this I've noticed other guys also…they just get this wide eyed stare at me…I don’t know what to think of it… I am not thin but not obese I don’t dress like a slut, usually classy cute]
the next time I saw him he still had that look but not as bad…a little more calm but still when he got to passing me he put his head down and kept walking…it made me feel so ugly I mean I didn’t smile but neither did he…I want to smile but I just don’t know how to read him. What should I do? I am shy and never been asked out so I don’t know how to flirt…Help!
VictorM's advice:
You felt ugly because he looked down? How do you think he feels when you don't smile?
Look, shy guys are notorious for avoiding the girls they like. Him looking down was a sign that he likes you.
I understand all about being shy, but you have to take one small step, as hard as it may be. You can't expect him to do all the lifting. So, smile at the guy! You can do it. Go ahead. Next time you see him, smile! That's all you have to do. That's your assignment.
Come back and tell us about it when it happens.
By Sam, 20, from NY:
So I go to NYU and there is this guy I see him in passing, the first time I saw him I was attracted. And well the first time he saw me we just looked at each other not even a smile…his eyes were kinda big not scared but more like “what do I do?” (I guess) and I got too scared to smile also so he just walked past me and said nothing…
[honestly though it is not just him who looks at me like this I've noticed other guys also…they just get this wide eyed stare at me…I don’t know what to think of it… I am not thin but not obese I don’t dress like a slut, usually classy cute]
the next time I saw him he still had that look but not as bad…a little more calm but still when he got to passing me he put his head down and kept walking…it made me feel so ugly I mean I didn’t smile but neither did he…I want to smile but I just don’t know how to read him. What should I do? I am shy and never been asked out so I don’t know how to flirt…Help!
VictorM's advice:
You felt ugly because he looked down? How do you think he feels when you don't smile?
Look, shy guys are notorious for avoiding the girls they like. Him looking down was a sign that he likes you.
I understand all about being shy, but you have to take one small step, as hard as it may be. You can't expect him to do all the lifting. So, smile at the guy! You can do it. Go ahead. Next time you see him, smile! That's all you have to do. That's your assignment.
Come back and tell us about it when it happens.
Comments:
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I got this follow-up from Sam:
So I am from NYU and it has taken me all this time to so much as talk to the guy…I know he has seen me in passing as I have seen him but he would always overt his eyes quickly when I would notice him… I have found out that he is older than me by at least 8 years…and I look young…Well I saw him once and said something and was so nervous I didn’t even tell him my name…later on that day I saw him again and was so nervous but this time I actually smiled warmly and waved…he smiled a little said “hey” so quietly and looked down. I heard him but we still had to walk past each other some more and I suppose he thought I didn’t hear him… so he said hey quietly again just as he passed me… and I smiled again and said it quietly… I saw him again later on but I didn’t give eye contact because I was busy so I don’t know what to think…I hope he saw me and didn’t ignore me… I don’t know if I'll see him again… I hope I do…if I do should I stop and tell him my name? should I remind him of where we saw each other? I don’t know if he will remember seeing me only twice...Id like to think he didn’t have to say hello twice…I don’t know what to think… I am completely infatuated with this guy…according to my friends he only likes blonds (I am a curly brunette) and he may have a GF… as he is very beautiful...and i am not...but another friend always says “they’re not married yet” lol what should I do?
So I am from NYU and it has taken me all this time to so much as talk to the guy…I know he has seen me in passing as I have seen him but he would always overt his eyes quickly when I would notice him… I have found out that he is older than me by at least 8 years…and I look young…Well I saw him once and said something and was so nervous I didn’t even tell him my name…later on that day I saw him again and was so nervous but this time I actually smiled warmly and waved…he smiled a little said “hey” so quietly and looked down. I heard him but we still had to walk past each other some more and I suppose he thought I didn’t hear him… so he said hey quietly again just as he passed me… and I smiled again and said it quietly… I saw him again later on but I didn’t give eye contact because I was busy so I don’t know what to think…I hope he saw me and didn’t ignore me… I don’t know if I'll see him again… I hope I do…if I do should I stop and tell him my name? should I remind him of where we saw each other? I don’t know if he will remember seeing me only twice...Id like to think he didn’t have to say hello twice…I don’t know what to think… I am completely infatuated with this guy…according to my friends he only likes blonds (I am a curly brunette) and he may have a GF… as he is very beautiful...and i am not...but another friend always says “they’re not married yet” lol what should I do?
Sam,
Don't listen to your friends about him liking blonds (that's usually bullshit anyway) and as long as you don't know for sure that he has a gf, he doesn't.
You're being very brave. I'm impressed. I know how difficult it is to do what you're doing. Now, take the next step. Introduce yourself, and carry on a small conversation.
And stop thinking that the guy ignores you. Most guys like the attention of girls. It feeds their ego. I'm sure he's happy you smile and greet him.
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Don't listen to your friends about him liking blonds (that's usually bullshit anyway) and as long as you don't know for sure that he has a gf, he doesn't.
You're being very brave. I'm impressed. I know how difficult it is to do what you're doing. Now, take the next step. Introduce yourself, and carry on a small conversation.
And stop thinking that the guy ignores you. Most guys like the attention of girls. It feeds their ego. I'm sure he's happy you smile and greet him.
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