Submitted on Monday, January 21, 2008
By Kelly, 33:

I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year now, we had separated three months and back together again just now. We both love each other. I promised him I would tell him the reason before I got upset. But this time, I made my same mistake again. I got upset without telling the reason first. I feel so bad and feel so sorry. Now, no matter I call or send messages, he has no response. I know he got disappointed that I never change. How can I get him back? Please advise!

VictorM's advice:

Leave him a message telling him: 1) why you got upset, and 2) that people don't change overnight. It takes effort and it takes repetition. You can't promise that it won't happen again, all you can do is promise that you're aware of it being a problem and you will continue to work on it.

Sometimes it's not easy to verbalize why you're upset. I'm not so sure you can promise you will tell him next time. When something makes us angry, we may want to think about what pissed us off, or walk away from a situation first, to give ourselves time to calm down before telling the other person what bothered us. Sometimes we realize we had good reason to be upset, sometimes we realize we were wrong, but often it requires taking time to mull it over before reaching that conclusion. If this guy can't understand that, love may not be enough to keep you together.