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Monday, January 28, 2008
I asked him if he wanted to have some dinner
Submitted on Wednesday, January 23, 2008
By Name confusion is still Confused, 25, from Northern IN:
Alright Victor, I took your advice. I picked a night that I was going to be in his town for work (we live about 45 minutes apart) and I asked him if he wanted to have some dinner. He had plans the first night, but was free the second night. So the second day, towards the end of the day he called me at the office I was working at, at first it was just about work but then we started talking about our weekends and then he asked if I was still free for that night - which of course I was. He told me he didn't think he was going to have to work late and that he should be home around 6:30. I gave him my cell number and we ended the call. Well I didn't hear from him until almost 8 because he did end up having to stay late - remember he is a very busy guy, in charge of two divisions - but he called and was very sorry and asked if I just wanted to go grab a bite to eat at a fast food place. We met and I went ahead and ordered and paid for my food because I felt weird and didn't want to look like I expected him to pay for mine since I really didn't know if it was a date. So while I got my drink and stuff he picked out a table. I went to sit and instead of sitting directly across from him I sat caddy-corner from him at the table, why? I don't know!! Anyways, we sat and talked for two hours. We talked about his son and my son and his marriage that ended about a year ago and my relationship that ended around the same time. It was kind of strange because there were times that it really felt like a date and then he would kind of pull away and it wouldn't feel like one. He told me that he is really enjoying his freedom but he doesn't want to be alone - he actually used the term "I guess I want to have my cake and eat it too". I really had a good time and I like him even more now - but I am still not sure if he likes me. When we parted at the restaurant there was no kiss/hug/handshake/lingering look...nadda. We just said goodnight and he got in his car, I got in mine and we drove away. So what is going on?? I am confused - but I am not very good at this whole dating thing, am I giving the wrong signals? I am totally okay to just hanging out, seeing each other and nothing serious right now. But how do I know if he likes me? I really don't want to be the silly little girl who doesn't take the hint, ya know?
VictorM's advice:
Everything you described sounds totally normal to me. I would not expect a kiss at the end of the night because this was a not a date, this was just two coworkers getting away from work and getting a bit personal. Where it will lead? I have no idea, but he met with you, he discussed personal stuff, and he spent two hours with you. For now, that's a step in the right direction but I wouldn't expect much more at this time.
I don't think taking hints has anything to do with it. Guys in general, and this one in particular, is in no rush to get into a relationship. Why? Because guys often feel trapped unless they have fallen in love with the girl. And for most guys, falling in love is a much slower process than girls.
By Name confusion is still Confused, 25, from Northern IN:
Alright Victor, I took your advice. I picked a night that I was going to be in his town for work (we live about 45 minutes apart) and I asked him if he wanted to have some dinner. He had plans the first night, but was free the second night. So the second day, towards the end of the day he called me at the office I was working at, at first it was just about work but then we started talking about our weekends and then he asked if I was still free for that night - which of course I was. He told me he didn't think he was going to have to work late and that he should be home around 6:30. I gave him my cell number and we ended the call. Well I didn't hear from him until almost 8 because he did end up having to stay late - remember he is a very busy guy, in charge of two divisions - but he called and was very sorry and asked if I just wanted to go grab a bite to eat at a fast food place. We met and I went ahead and ordered and paid for my food because I felt weird and didn't want to look like I expected him to pay for mine since I really didn't know if it was a date. So while I got my drink and stuff he picked out a table. I went to sit and instead of sitting directly across from him I sat caddy-corner from him at the table, why? I don't know!! Anyways, we sat and talked for two hours. We talked about his son and my son and his marriage that ended about a year ago and my relationship that ended around the same time. It was kind of strange because there were times that it really felt like a date and then he would kind of pull away and it wouldn't feel like one. He told me that he is really enjoying his freedom but he doesn't want to be alone - he actually used the term "I guess I want to have my cake and eat it too". I really had a good time and I like him even more now - but I am still not sure if he likes me. When we parted at the restaurant there was no kiss/hug/handshake/lingering look...nadda. We just said goodnight and he got in his car, I got in mine and we drove away. So what is going on?? I am confused - but I am not very good at this whole dating thing, am I giving the wrong signals? I am totally okay to just hanging out, seeing each other and nothing serious right now. But how do I know if he likes me? I really don't want to be the silly little girl who doesn't take the hint, ya know?
VictorM's advice:
Everything you described sounds totally normal to me. I would not expect a kiss at the end of the night because this was a not a date, this was just two coworkers getting away from work and getting a bit personal. Where it will lead? I have no idea, but he met with you, he discussed personal stuff, and he spent two hours with you. For now, that's a step in the right direction but I wouldn't expect much more at this time.
I don't think taking hints has anything to do with it. Guys in general, and this one in particular, is in no rush to get into a relationship. Why? Because guys often feel trapped unless they have fallen in love with the girl. And for most guys, falling in love is a much slower process than girls.
Comments:
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Hello - I'm back with more questions about this man. So it been a while since we had dinner. We have talked some at work and once on the phone after work about his bad day, but nothing really other than that. Today however, we both ended up working late so I stopped by his office to say good night - which turned into a 45 min conversation. When I said I was heading home, he offered to walk me to my car and I of course said sure but asked if he was geading home too. He said he wasn't ready to leave, but could take a break to walk me out. Now, I have been considering asking him out to a movie, and figured this was a good time to start the movie chat...except as we were walking out of his office he took the chance to through out some wilting flowers on his desk. I just jokingly said, "Aww, someone sent you flowers?" and he said yeah and he's been catching flack for it all week. But never mentioned who sent them. I did not bring up the movie after that because I dont want to ask him out just to get rejected because he's seeing some one. I will admitt, I am not very experienced in the dating scene and I dont really know if this guys just sees me as a cool girl who he's friends with or if he would be interested in a date. I can understand this guy not making the first move, remember I said he is really shy, so I am okay making the first move - I am just confused if I should or not. I dont want to rush things or make him think I am looking for something serious...I just want a date everyonce in a while and maybe some causual sex...J/K(a little).
# posted by 
: 12:37 AM
: 12:37 AM
Forget the flowers. They could be from someone he can't stand. Or someone he wants to get away from.
Just do your thing and see where it goes.
As I advise often, if you want to avoid rejection, open the doors for him to invite himself. Example: say you want to see [event] but don't want to go alone. If he invites himself to go, great. If not, well, you never really asked him.
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Just do your thing and see where it goes.
As I advise often, if you want to avoid rejection, open the doors for him to invite himself. Example: say you want to see [event] but don't want to go alone. If he invites himself to go, great. If not, well, you never really asked him.
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Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
