Submitted on Saturday, December 29, 2007
By Anonymous, 17:

Hi its me again. Victor you helped me with the "We don't have any problems except for one - his ex" situation, but its grown even bigger.

My Boyfriend and I have been doing very well. Everything was fine until about 4 days ago. One of our friends was having a sleepover party for all the jews on christmas eve. My bf and I were talking about it for a while, and at first I wasnt going to go. But then I had a weird feeling and told him to pick me up in 20 min. When I called him, he said: "by the way, my ex is gonna be there." I got frustrated and told him I am definitely going. She opened the door and introduced herself. I said hi and walked by. Her friend looked at her and said "no competition" which wasn't a suprise to me at all. I knew she was trying to get him. Then she told her friend she can "blow up his spot" and when I over heard her, I quietly took him to the side, and told him if there's anything I need to know he should tell me now. Well, this girl is an idiot. My bf did nothing wrong. My bf went upstairs and she went after him. When they came downstairs she walked right up to me and said "if you think I've seen him since you two started dating, you're wrong." I told her to get away from me and she did. Basically that whole night she made herself look like an idiot around all of mine and his friends. (She was a friend of a guys gf that came along). The next day I came home and found a message online to me, her trying to apologize but not sincerely, just so she won't continue to look stupid. I didn't say anything rude, and I didn't say anything I wanted to, but I responded to her and told her I just don't want anything to do with her, and I can already see how fake she is. She responded to me by degrading me. Then she called my ex bf (because they hookedup a while ago.. she's a slut) and told him how me and my bf are having problems and if he wants me back he should call me.

I let my bf know everything that was going on, and for some reason he just won't let go of her. He keeps saying that she has always been his good friend and that he doesn't want to end his friendship with her. All of his friends now hate her guts, and I do too. I thought what she did was way disrepectful. I wanted him to stand up for me but for some reason he's afraid to. He's a really nice guy, but he told me that we either have to stop the drama or we are breaking up. He never threatened her like that. All he keeps saying to her is please just try to apologize again, you were wrong, I don't know if I want to be your friend (and this line was me pushing him). She thinks I'm threatened by her, but I'm not at all. This girl is nothing compared to me and everyone knows it. She is a conniving little liar & her looks aren't that great either. I kind of feel bad for her. But I just don't know what to do. This caused my bf and I to have a huge fight, that I never want to have with him again. She was a bitch to him at the party, and to everyone else. But she doesn't talk to us like she does to him. She's really sweet to him, and I knew from the beginning that I didn't want them talking only because I knew she would interfere with our relationship. She is trying to break us up and no matter which way I put it to him, he just doesn't understand and refuses to listen. I really don't want us to drift apart and break up. PLEASE please help. =( What should my next step be? Should I forget who she is and go on with our relationship?

VictorM's advice:

Given everything you said about her, you are making a big mistake giving her so much importance and fighting with your boyfriend over her. True, he should be more forceful with her, but to say he's done nothing about her is not right either. He tells her she's wrong and makes her apologize. The extra push he needs to further distance himself from her should not come in the form of fights and confrontations; it should come in the form of major niceness from you.

You ought to recognize the nice qualities inherent in his behavior with her. See, to you, you are asking him to stop talking to an ex; to him, you're asking him to drop a close friend. That's hard to do for a guy who values friendship and loyalty. Those are good qualities. What you need to realize is that in his mind she means nothing because he's no longer interested in her. And think about it, the way she feels about him, he could have her in a heartbeat, so why doesn't he? Because he's not interested in her.

Make his time with you fun and easy, stop paying her attention, and stop annoying him about her and she'll be history sooner than you think. Totally ignoring her is the magic potion to solve this problem.

Keep me updated. This is better than soap operas. Sorta like a real life version of "Mean Girls". :)