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Sunday, December 30, 2007
Spreading roumours that I've been sleeping about
Submitted on Saturday, December 29, 2007
By kim mac, 18, from scotland:
Two months ago I finished with my boyfriend of 3 years. Recently, people (his mates) have been spreading roumours that I've been sleeping about, which I haven't. He doesn't listen to me and believes that there is only one side to the story. He was controlling an manipulative as a boyfriend and we always argued. Now he's trying to make the situation about him. He doesn't realise that we aren't together anymore and he won't stop bugging me. He threatens to hurt anyone I talk to and he only lives 5 minutes away. I don't know what to do because I'm becoming depressed over these situations. He won't back off and learn to get on with his life, even if I do ignore him. I don't know what to do, and I'm worried if I come close with someone else that my ex will hurt him. Have you any advice?
VictorM's advice:
The first thing to do is to consider yourself lucky that you dumped him and that he continues to remind you just how right you were for dumping him. Secondly, you have to stop feeding his controlling personality. Every time he makes an accusation and you start defending yourself, you are giving him control of the situation. You need to stop doing that. You need to realize that nothing you say will change his mind because he's after control over you, not fairness.
Take away control from him by doing this: next time he brings up anything negative about you, doesn't matter what, just say: "That's not true but if it makes you happy to believe it, so be it" and walk away. Do NOT act angry, do NOT rebut his statements, do NOT explain yourself to him. He's bound to get angry, but if he does, it just means he's losing control. Try this. You will see how empowering it is.
Getting yourself depressed over him only feeds his desire to control you. Stop that. Go out with friends, have fun, buy new sexy clothes, fix your hair, etc. do all kinds of things that spell out "I'm happy and feeling great". And by doing it, it will happen.
And stop worrying about what will happen if you get a boyfriend. You can't control nor predict what will happen. For all you know, your new boyfriend will kick your ex's ass!
So cheer up, regain control, go out and have fun, and here's hoping you hook up with a BIG guy. :)
By kim mac, 18, from scotland:
Two months ago I finished with my boyfriend of 3 years. Recently, people (his mates) have been spreading roumours that I've been sleeping about, which I haven't. He doesn't listen to me and believes that there is only one side to the story. He was controlling an manipulative as a boyfriend and we always argued. Now he's trying to make the situation about him. He doesn't realise that we aren't together anymore and he won't stop bugging me. He threatens to hurt anyone I talk to and he only lives 5 minutes away. I don't know what to do because I'm becoming depressed over these situations. He won't back off and learn to get on with his life, even if I do ignore him. I don't know what to do, and I'm worried if I come close with someone else that my ex will hurt him. Have you any advice?
VictorM's advice:
The first thing to do is to consider yourself lucky that you dumped him and that he continues to remind you just how right you were for dumping him. Secondly, you have to stop feeding his controlling personality. Every time he makes an accusation and you start defending yourself, you are giving him control of the situation. You need to stop doing that. You need to realize that nothing you say will change his mind because he's after control over you, not fairness.
Take away control from him by doing this: next time he brings up anything negative about you, doesn't matter what, just say: "That's not true but if it makes you happy to believe it, so be it" and walk away. Do NOT act angry, do NOT rebut his statements, do NOT explain yourself to him. He's bound to get angry, but if he does, it just means he's losing control. Try this. You will see how empowering it is.
Getting yourself depressed over him only feeds his desire to control you. Stop that. Go out with friends, have fun, buy new sexy clothes, fix your hair, etc. do all kinds of things that spell out "I'm happy and feeling great". And by doing it, it will happen.
And stop worrying about what will happen if you get a boyfriend. You can't control nor predict what will happen. For all you know, your new boyfriend will kick your ex's ass!
So cheer up, regain control, go out and have fun, and here's hoping you hook up with a BIG guy. :)
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