Submitted on Sunday, December 23, 2007
By Kalissa, 23, from Milwaukee, WI:

What do you suppose it means if a guy seems very much into a girl as more than a friend for a while (3-4 months of dating casually while free to date other people, very flirty, compliments me, talking for hours on Instant Message, etc..) ..And then all of a sudden out of nowhere, he starts to distance himself? I have'nt heard from him in about a week (we usually facebook each other at least daily), stops going on instant message, takes longer than usual to respond to things on facebook, etc. Obviously, it appears he has lost interest...but what exactly causes a guy to lose interest so ABRUPTLY when everything seemed to be going so well...? Circumstancially, nothing has changed on my end or his that I know of.........No arguments/issues that would have turned him off either...So I have no clue whats going on. Kinda bummed though. I texted him today, and was like "Hey there stranger...Where've you been hiding this past week?" And I just wished him happy holidays. He texted back about 20 minutes later, just saying he's been "running around a lot lately, but we'll catch up again soon. Have fun with your friends tonight!" Which is fine and dandy and maybe true...but it feels like he's just being polite, and he didnt mention a date to hang out or anything. I feel like if he really wanted to see me, he would be specific and say something like "are you busy next saturday? I'd love to see you." Not just "we'll catch up soon." Especially since he knows that I am on a break from work for a few weeks, so it would be a great opportunity to get together.

Also, where are some places a girl could consider hanging out if she wants to meet new guys? I am a bit shy, so prefer not to meet guys at a bar if I can help it...I have considered joining Lifetime Fitness as I have heard it is a great social environment for people in my age range, but any other ideas would be helpful. I am trying not to pin all my hopes on this one guy...But like I said I am somewhat shy...To top it off, I work in a pretty female oriented career, so I do not meet guys at work. I have MANY female friends, but have never had many male friends to hang out with. This is probably why I have developed almost a dependancy with the guy I was talking about above. It's bad though, I realize it is not wise to depend on one guy just bc he seems to be the easiest option at the moment. When I do go to bars, I get hit on A LOT and am told that I am gorgeous, have a great body, etc. I have even done a lot of modeling. So I guess I would say that I am pretty attractive. It is just that in the past I have been intimidated by guys due to some trust issues I have. However, I have recently become VERY social and have really grown a lot personally...I feel I am a good catch if I could just meet the right guy!

VictorM's advice:

Guys can lose interest on a girl overnight, for no apparent reason. What happens is guys are very motivated by challenge and seduction. The process of meeting a girl and sweeping her off her feet can bring a guy a natural high, something akin to a drug. And so talking to her, seeing her, and otherwise engaging in the conquest (flirting, compliments, etc.) is very fulfilling. At some point, once he feels confident of his success, or another new girl begging to be sweep off her feet comes along, the drug-like high for the first girl dries out, suddenly. Being with her is nowhere as much fun as it was before. So... guys become "busy" and vague. He won't cut you off entirely because a lot of guys don't understand the process I just described. They think their lack of interest is just a phase, or as is the case most of the times, they can't verbalize why they lost interest because frankly, they just don't know since there's nothing specific to explain their lack of interest.

As to where you can go to meet men, I suggest you join activities that you really enjoy and where men are abundant. This way, even if you don't meet someone you like, at least your time was not a wasted. For example, if you like movies, join a movie club. If you like bike riding, join a bike-riding group. If you like art, go to museums. If you like athletic types, volunteer to help out at the local runners' club. Anyway, I hope you get the idea. This way you can meet men who share your interest over a longer period of time, giving you more opportunities to weed out undesirables.

Also, since you know a lot of women, don't be afraid to mention to some that you'd like to meet men (be specific about the kind of men you're interested). There's a good chance that the men you get introduced to are men these women know. It's no guarantee that they won't be losers or jerks, but your odds are better than with total strangers.