Submitted on Saturday, December 29, 2007
By Maria:

Hi once more. This is Maria from parts 1 & 2 of "He's not yet my boyfriend." Don't worry, I'm not here to yell again. Haha, sorry about that..I was a bit emotional when I wrote last. If it came across as abrasive or harsh, I didn't mean it to. I wanted to explain the reason I had gotten so upset at your first response to me.

Obviously the topic of "Joe" and I is a senstive one for me, one which has had me very emotional and confused recently. You would not believe how many people approach me every week saying, "So...you and 'Joe' are a new item now, huh? Officially boyfriend and girlfriend. That's so exciting for you!" It leaves me overwhelmed and unsure of things. Obviously Joe and I's behavior shows enough interest in each other to give off the impression that we are excusive...and yet...we haven't even kissed. It leaves me with very mixed signals about what is going on with us and how into me Joe really is. It makes me question his hesitation and the reasoning behind it, since he is obviously attracted to me in some shape or form. The other day he told me he's never seen me look bad a single day that he's known me. His behavior has become increasingly flirty in the past week or so...even more so than the usual. We talked for about an hour and a half today on instant message...and it was the flirtiest conversation we've had yet...nothing serious, but like there was a lot of teasing each other about intimate things...such as spanking and other physical stuff like that. It's like we can TALK hypothetically and tease each other about doing intimate/physical things with each other, but in person none of it ever happens. And I don't know why. I don't know if he's maybe just a flirt and it doesn't mean anything... or if that type of teasing implies his underlying desire to do those types of things with me and teasing is easier than actually initiating it for real? I know that for me...it is the 2nd one.

However in the meantime, we have made plans to get together for our 7th date. I am very excited about that! I had mentioned hanging out to him the other day and he said yes right away. But this is the other thing... "Joe" has blatantly told me that he is not a planner....And so I am taking his word for that. Some guys just aren't, I underdstand that. (I'm being very trusting of what he says there...aren't you proud of me?) :-D)

However, I have noticed that although we continue to go out a lot and we always have THE BEST TIME....It is usually ME who suggests it. I usually will have to say "I want to see you soon...When are you free?" And then he will suggest a day. Or I will have to practically hand the idea to him on a silver platter...Such as saying, "You know I heard about this really good movie..Did you ever see it? I think it's still playing." and from there he will THEN say "Let me check if it's still in theatres. We should check it out together." So while he is always very eager to get together, and he will hang out with me at last minute even, say if I text him or something....and we always have a great time...I usually have to bring it up to him. I often wish that HE would ask me. However, when I told him that very playfully once (I am beginning to realize that we address most issues through playful teasing with one another)...he responded by saying, "Yeeeeahh...about that....I'm just not a very good planner. I try to be, but I'm just not."

And he says he doesn't like having to be the decision maker, such as deciding what to do for the evening, or which movie to see that night. I believe he would rather have his eyes clawed out by a bear than be asked to choose "Where do you want to eat tonight?" Hahaha...but it would still be nice for him to make an effort in this area. Even if he just said, "We should get together soon..." I would have no problem picking the time and place. I DO trust him when he says he's not a planner, but how would you suggest that I let him know my feelings about this. I don't want to make it a big deal.

Anyways, I guess that's why I was so upset the other night. It is just a very confusing situation for me... I feel I am recieving some mixed signals here. And then your suggestion that he might not be interested in me through me over the edge, because if that was true, I would be really hurt. I feel like he DOES like me, and IS attracted to me...but something is holding him back. I don't know what to do or think. I am eager to see how things go on the next date. (Exactly a week from today.) Wish me luck....and i look forward to reading part 3 of this never ending saga. LOL.

VictorM's answer:

Maria, if I got paid by the number of words posted, you'd make me a rich man. :)

Spankings, huh? Kinky!

Anyway... back to "work"...

Sorry I brought so much anguish to your life but there's a different tone to your subsequent messages than the first one about how he may feel about you.

Guys are notoriously slow at getting to a relationship stage. Considering all that you've told me, his behavior is consistent with natural caution. I know that as a girl you want him to be bleeding and dying with the burning desire to be with you. But that's not the way it happens most of the times, certainly not with the type of guys that are more thinkers, as this guy seems to be.

Do believe his "no planner" personality (and yes, I'm proud of you :)). Right now he's just thrilled to be with you, it doesn't matter to him where you go. I had a Question+Answer on that same topic which you can read here (make sure to read the comments section, that's where all the good stuff is), so I won't rehash it. But accept that it is part of his personality. You can't change him anymore than you can make him funnier. In time he may change a bit, but don't count on it.

As for the flirting online, it all sounds very natural to me. There's no commitment in expressing the wildest sexual fantasies online, but a mere kiss in person could imply "relationship". Online expressions are devoid of any real meaning. They are just fun. Take it for what it is. It does show, however, that he has a playful personality, one you're likely to discover once you get past that darned first kiss.

So all we are down to are girl's typical burning desire to "catch" the guy, to get him to commit, to pledge his undying love and affection to you, like... yesterday! He has a different time table. That's all. I wish you could enjoy the ride instead of anguishing over it.

Let us know about the 7th date... specially if it goes so well that it leads to spankings. ;)