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Sunday, December 16, 2007
He mentioned we should have brunch
Submitted on Friday, December 14, 2007
By Nathalie, 30, from New York, NY:
I have been hanging out in a social group since August - going out on weekends, etc. There is one guy I met when I had a party in August and he came with his girfriend. They left and he came back and stayed till 3am with 3 others. I didn't think anything more given I saw he had a girlfriend.
I end up hanging out in a group with him often till early morning on weekends (no girlfriend and he never mentions about her) and we shared a cab 2.5 months ago where he mentioned we should have brunch. I didn't respond as it was 3am and thought I misheard him.
There was a large group dinner since my party which is the only other time the girlfriend came and that was 2 months ago. She didn't like the food and didn't eat and then went home after while the rest of us went out till 3am again. She is a medical resident (1st year) and he is in investment banking (meaning neither is rarely free).
One weekend he started asking on my situation and I talked to him about my dating. I asked him back about him and he said his relationship has been on/off during this year and I asked if it was long-term and he said with a negative tone "we'll see".
About a month ago he asked me again while we were out that we should have brunch. Since I haven't seen the girlfriend in a while and he never mentions her and is always out without her, I am not sure if they are together, but I figured it is fine to go find out as brunch is harmless.
We had brunch on a weekend and it was about 2.5 hours - no mention of girlfriend. I decided I would bring it up if he brought up topic of dating general but didn't have a chance.
He asked me to brunch again (after many flirty messages) and we went last weekend. But at last minute said a friend called and lived near his place so if it is OK can he join us? I said sure but was irked that I still wouldn't find out about his relationship status. I figured nothing would come from me until I knew.
So last sunday, I texted him and asked if he was trying to set me up with his friend (giving me some context to bring up his status). He responded no way (guy is engaged) and is that what I want (a set up). . I then said oh no. Just curious if that was it, then I said "what happened to your lady?" He has not responded to me about that since Sunday.
In the meantime I understand he has been busy at work because a friend of his I helped with job search last week emailed both of us to meet up for drinks. He emailed on Monday and we are due for drinks on Sunday.
I feel he is not even really my friend - why didn't he respond to my question? What do you think is going on here?
VictorM's advice:
I wouldn't make too much of him not answering. A busy guy, with lots of friends, and a busy social life probably gets tons of messages and phone calls. I can see your question being overlooked or he simply forget to respond or even if he already responded or not.
See, to you that question is significant but to him it may totally trivial, just small talk-like. Besides, as you said, you're not even really his friend. The brunches were not only informal but he even brought along a buddy. Doesn't sound like he's willing to do anything more than being social, or maybe even satisfying some curiosity about you.
Well, today is Sunday. How did the drinks go? Any girlfriend talk? I'm curious. :)
By Nathalie, 30, from New York, NY:
I have been hanging out in a social group since August - going out on weekends, etc. There is one guy I met when I had a party in August and he came with his girfriend. They left and he came back and stayed till 3am with 3 others. I didn't think anything more given I saw he had a girlfriend.
I end up hanging out in a group with him often till early morning on weekends (no girlfriend and he never mentions about her) and we shared a cab 2.5 months ago where he mentioned we should have brunch. I didn't respond as it was 3am and thought I misheard him.
There was a large group dinner since my party which is the only other time the girlfriend came and that was 2 months ago. She didn't like the food and didn't eat and then went home after while the rest of us went out till 3am again. She is a medical resident (1st year) and he is in investment banking (meaning neither is rarely free).
One weekend he started asking on my situation and I talked to him about my dating. I asked him back about him and he said his relationship has been on/off during this year and I asked if it was long-term and he said with a negative tone "we'll see".
About a month ago he asked me again while we were out that we should have brunch. Since I haven't seen the girlfriend in a while and he never mentions her and is always out without her, I am not sure if they are together, but I figured it is fine to go find out as brunch is harmless.
We had brunch on a weekend and it was about 2.5 hours - no mention of girlfriend. I decided I would bring it up if he brought up topic of dating general but didn't have a chance.
He asked me to brunch again (after many flirty messages) and we went last weekend. But at last minute said a friend called and lived near his place so if it is OK can he join us? I said sure but was irked that I still wouldn't find out about his relationship status. I figured nothing would come from me until I knew.
So last sunday, I texted him and asked if he was trying to set me up with his friend (giving me some context to bring up his status). He responded no way (guy is engaged) and is that what I want (a set up). . I then said oh no. Just curious if that was it, then I said "what happened to your lady?" He has not responded to me about that since Sunday.
In the meantime I understand he has been busy at work because a friend of his I helped with job search last week emailed both of us to meet up for drinks. He emailed on Monday and we are due for drinks on Sunday.
I feel he is not even really my friend - why didn't he respond to my question? What do you think is going on here?
VictorM's advice:
I wouldn't make too much of him not answering. A busy guy, with lots of friends, and a busy social life probably gets tons of messages and phone calls. I can see your question being overlooked or he simply forget to respond or even if he already responded or not.
See, to you that question is significant but to him it may totally trivial, just small talk-like. Besides, as you said, you're not even really his friend. The brunches were not only informal but he even brought along a buddy. Doesn't sound like he's willing to do anything more than being social, or maybe even satisfying some curiosity about you.
Well, today is Sunday. How did the drinks go? Any girlfriend talk? I'm curious. :)
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I'm going in about 45 minutes and will follow-up.
The first brunch was alone and afterwards he sent an email that we should do it again soon etc. Anyway, I'm not going to initiate any hanging out with him since I think it is kind of odd if he has one. There was another guy in the social group who was married it turned out and asking me to dinner but who i didn't like and he jokes to me about it. And when I was helping some alumni with a job search recently, he said maybe he was trying to ask you out.
Also, he generally responds to messages I send so it seemed like an outlier and it followed his response to the previous text message.
Anyway- i will let you know how tonight goes with his friend. I'm gone for 3 weeks from friday onward so i will not think of it unless he does something more interesting.
The first brunch was alone and afterwards he sent an email that we should do it again soon etc. Anyway, I'm not going to initiate any hanging out with him since I think it is kind of odd if he has one. There was another guy in the social group who was married it turned out and asking me to dinner but who i didn't like and he jokes to me about it. And when I was helping some alumni with a job search recently, he said maybe he was trying to ask you out.
Also, he generally responds to messages I send so it seemed like an outlier and it followed his response to the previous text message.
Anyway- i will let you know how tonight goes with his friend. I'm gone for 3 weeks from friday onward so i will not think of it unless he does something more interesting.
# posted by 
: 6:57 PM
: 6:57 PM
Drinks went well. Turns out we will both be out of country but in same place for christmas holidays . . .for two weeks. He was trying to get my contact info etc., but I didn't have it and will email. So we will be in the same place (we are from the same country originally) for the coming two weeks and agreed to hang out while neither of us is working, so I will be able to get full story (and then some, without interference). Separately, we were talking about movies we liked and he said next time he rents x, y,z, he will give me a call so we can watch.
Otherwise it was a nice outing. We'll see what he is thinking. Time will tell.
Otherwise it was a nice outing. We'll see what he is thinking. Time will tell.
# posted by : 10:47 PM
: 10:47 PM 
FYI - He has sent me a home number as well as his mom's cell so that I can have the easiest way of locating him while we are away from NY. I hope to sort out the situation re: gf by the time I come back. This would be the best possibility for that given we are in the same place for 2 weeks and not working.
# posted by : 7:59 PM
: 7:59 PM
Should be simple: "So, are you still seeing the girl with the lousy taste in food?" (jk)
Anyway, you'll have 2 weeks to to ask one question. I know you can do it. :)
Anyway, you'll have 2 weeks to to ask one question. I know you can do it. :)
Sure - it did it once and I can do it again. I do like the fact they are not in same place for New Year's Eve. . .but that's just my read as I always spent NYE with a guy I was in a relationship with.
How do you read him giving me his mom's cell number?
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How do you read him giving me his mom's cell number?
# posted by : 8:14 PM
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