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Monday, November 26, 2007
One day I feel he really likes me, then the next day I feel insecure
Submitted on Saturday, November 24, 2007
By Charlotte, 23, from Chicago:
I have this guy in my life, not sure how to explain him. I talk to him every day, usually online through letters and facebook messaging. Sometimes we instant message for an hour or 2 at a time. (The IMing is maybe once a week.) We have been on 5 dates, all of which were tooooooo good to be true. Yet, he has not gone in for a move, like a kiss or anything. But he is flirty, and according to people who used to know him he is very very shy. But I noticed on his facebook page that there are a couple of other girls that write to him about wanting to hang out with him, etc. I dont know if those are platonic friends or people he maybe likes or whatever. Or maybe they like him. I have been in this situation with him for about 4 months now. When we hang out, I feel like there is at least mutual interest but then sometimes, I'm not sure. I think that I would like to eventually move our relationship to a more exclusive status, but it is early, I know. I get very jealous over the other girls, then feel guilty because he's not my boyfriend. It's an awkward thing to ask him about, since technically I have no rights over him. I suppose we are both free to see other people if we want to, but at this point I don't. I do have other options, and have been on a few dates with other guys recently, but my mind is always on the one I really like. Does it sound like I am overreacting, does it sound like he's into me? He always insists on paying and stuff. What is your take??? Oh yeah, he recently told me he thought I was beautiful. But how do I know he's not flirting the same way with the other girls and stuff? Am I just one of many or does his daily attention through letters, IM, continued dates mean he likes me as more? The confusing part is how one day I feel he really likes me, then the next day I feel insecure about it. I have a date with him today.
VictorM's advice:
Come on folks, keep on walking... there's nothing to see here.
You're dating without your heads in the sand. He has some prospects and so do you. You love your dates with him and he's a gentleman with you. He pays you compliments and keeps asking you out. You're wondering where this might lead, and he's probably wondering the same thing. But there's no point in rushing. It all sounds too normal and sensible.
How did the date go? We want to know. :)
By Charlotte, 23, from Chicago:
I have this guy in my life, not sure how to explain him. I talk to him every day, usually online through letters and facebook messaging. Sometimes we instant message for an hour or 2 at a time. (The IMing is maybe once a week.) We have been on 5 dates, all of which were tooooooo good to be true. Yet, he has not gone in for a move, like a kiss or anything. But he is flirty, and according to people who used to know him he is very very shy. But I noticed on his facebook page that there are a couple of other girls that write to him about wanting to hang out with him, etc. I dont know if those are platonic friends or people he maybe likes or whatever. Or maybe they like him. I have been in this situation with him for about 4 months now. When we hang out, I feel like there is at least mutual interest but then sometimes, I'm not sure. I think that I would like to eventually move our relationship to a more exclusive status, but it is early, I know. I get very jealous over the other girls, then feel guilty because he's not my boyfriend. It's an awkward thing to ask him about, since technically I have no rights over him. I suppose we are both free to see other people if we want to, but at this point I don't. I do have other options, and have been on a few dates with other guys recently, but my mind is always on the one I really like. Does it sound like I am overreacting, does it sound like he's into me? He always insists on paying and stuff. What is your take??? Oh yeah, he recently told me he thought I was beautiful. But how do I know he's not flirting the same way with the other girls and stuff? Am I just one of many or does his daily attention through letters, IM, continued dates mean he likes me as more? The confusing part is how one day I feel he really likes me, then the next day I feel insecure about it. I have a date with him today.
VictorM's advice:
Come on folks, keep on walking... there's nothing to see here.
You're dating without your heads in the sand. He has some prospects and so do you. You love your dates with him and he's a gentleman with you. He pays you compliments and keeps asking you out. You're wondering where this might lead, and he's probably wondering the same thing. But there's no point in rushing. It all sounds too normal and sensible.
How did the date go? We want to know. :)
Comments:
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The confusing part is how one day I feel he really likes me, then the next day I feel insecure about it.
Women feel the need for security in relationships. We invest a lot of personal time and energy and emotion into men and just want a return on that investment. It's a scary place to be for us emotionally, but it's the way it goes.
Most guys, unless they are also looking for an exclusive relationship, simply do not need the security and assurance in the same way that women do. However, men do require a lot of ego stroking. Keep making him feel good about himself and pretty soon you'll go from being "beautiful" to "perfect."
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Women feel the need for security in relationships. We invest a lot of personal time and energy and emotion into men and just want a return on that investment. It's a scary place to be for us emotionally, but it's the way it goes.
Most guys, unless they are also looking for an exclusive relationship, simply do not need the security and assurance in the same way that women do. However, men do require a lot of ego stroking. Keep making him feel good about himself and pretty soon you'll go from being "beautiful" to "perfect."
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
