By Abi, 29, from UAE:

Here's the thing, I'm dating someone who does a "Jack Bauer" kind of job and if you've ever seen 24, you'll know exactly how challenging it is to carry on a relationship with a "Jack Bauer" kind of person. He goes off for months at a time on missions that can't be discussed and I'm lucky to get one call while he's away. When he is around, he is loving and attentive and treats me like a queen and also looks at me as if i'm one :). We've talked about marriage, kids, what country we would like to settle in eventually, etc, etc. But I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. Sometimes, I have to rush through what's been happening in my life the last 3 months since he's been gone before he disappears again. At first it was exciting for me and I liked the idea that I don't have a man breathing down my neck everyday. I've tried very very hard to understand this kind of life but after a year of a "Jack Bauer" kind of guy, I'm starting to feel like I just want to have a regular guy with a regular 9 to 5 job who comes home to me every night and asks about my day. I do love him and it feels like he's "The One". Some of my friends insist that he is married hence all the cloak and dagger stuff but I can't believe this because he appears very very honest but then again, you can't really 100% tell, can you? I'm not quite sure what to do anymore, break up with him, discuss it with him for the hundredth time? And I guess I should also mention I've never met any of his friends.

VictorM's advice:

I'm glad you explained what you meant by a "Jack Bauer" type of guy. At first I thought you meant a fictional asshole involved in far fetched plots and using abusive techniques not becoming of a civilized nation.

Well, I have to believe that guys like your guy exist and do lots of secretive stuff. How do you know he's not lying? Having that sort of thought in your mind sure puts a damper on a relationship. I have to believe there is something he could do/show that would make his job requirements clear to you. But that's not your problem, is it? You totally believe him, right? For now, let's assume that all about him is true.

Who wants to give up being treated like a queen, even if only from time to time, right? Do you believe that you'd get that kind of treatment if he saw you every single day? Face it, the odds are that he would not. Life would become more mundane. And I have to believe that the mystery surrounding his life and what he does when he's gone is not a pleasant thought to you. Sounds like the whole thing is a bad deal.

You're stuck between a fantasy (the queen treatment) and a mystery (is lifestyle). Meanwhile, your real life is slipping away.

Is he "The One"? Only if you believe in make-believe TV heroes.