Laney, 27, from Nebraska, asks:

A few months ago I asked you "Why didn't you tell me" ---- If every time you see your ex, he talks about things such as "why didn't you tell me you wanted to be with me", "why didn't you tell me you loved me", "why didn't you even give me clues that you may have wanted to be with me 10 years down the road", what does that mean? He even expressed this to my sister when he seen her, asking her the same questions about me. He has a baby due in the next few months and I feel as though he has doubts about his current relationship (he has said that he is going to do the "right thing" this time around and marry this woman). We don't talk too often because there's a lot of animosity that I have towards him because I feel as though he left me and my child to go and be with and eventually make another baby with another woman.

You gave me great advice. Well he did end up getting married to her (a month before their child was due. I have suspicions it was because she needed medical insurance since she is unemployed), and they had a child in August. When I found out he got married, I sent him a text message congratulating him, telling him I was happy he was finally able to do things "the right way". Since then, he has called to check on our son maybe five times. I can admit that I did take him to child support court and he in turn took me to custody court. Everything worked out in my favor and I got a large amount of monthly child support as well as practically full custody (95 to 5%). A few weeks ago I approached him and told him I wanted to change our sons last name to mine since he isn't involved at all in his life. He of course disagreed but had the nerve to ask me when am I going to bring our son to visit him and his family (they live across country from us). I of course told him I wasn't planning on doing it anytime soon. I guess my question is why does he act like this? He acts like he cares so much, but he can't even pick up the phone to call and check on our son. I'm wondering if it's because he just doesn't care, if it's guilt, if it's my fault, or if he is trying to run away from the fact that I found all of this out. It seems as though when things between him and me are good things between him and our son are good. But when things are bad, the whole situation is bad.

VictorM's advice:

Maybe he does care but he can't find out about his son without dealing with you, and I'm sure that's not a pleasant experience for him most of the times. Who knows, maybe even his current wife puts pressure on him to avoid you. It wouldn't surprise me if she wants all his attention for their child.

A guy can care without having to call all the time, the way moms generally do. He knows you'll let him know if there's a problem with your son. But his family is somewhere else, and that's where is attention is. Frankly, as it should be. You two share a son but not a family, not a future.

Whether it's because he feels he made a mistake with you, and/or the legal hassles, there's too much unpleasantness in the past between you two to justify more contact. His attention to your child may never change but if it does, don't expect it to change until such time as he can deal with him directly without you in between.

Focus on what's best for your son under the circumstances. Stop worrying about the father. He's gone. He has other priorities. You don't like it but it's best for all involved if you accept it. If you can manage that, and have things good rather than bad with the father, your son will benefit.