Isabelle, 29, from Boston, asks:

I'm pretty newly single (after an 8 year relationship) and need some advice with navigating dating again. As part of my breakup recovery I went to visit a friend in another city. We got all dressed up and went out to the bars to boost my ego a bit. I wasn't intending (or hoping) to meet anyone, I just wanted to have a little fun. But I met a guy. He's cute, smart, funny and we totally hit it off. We stayed chatting until the bar closed and then he and his friend walked us home. We talked for another hour outside my friend's place and then he asked for my number and my email and hugged me goodbye. Two days later, he called me and we talked for over an hour. He continued to call me almost every day, although with completely different work schedules, we didn't talk for long. Then, because of a family emergency he had to go out of town for a few days. He called me again the day he got back and we talked for a while. He then went out of town again for family stuff and we didn't talk for over a week. I knew that he was dealing with a horrible situation with his family, so I didn't call, but did send an email saying that I hoped everything was okay. Since he's been back in town, we've talked once. He is definitely calling me less than he did in the first few weeks, but he is also in the midst of a lot of family and work-related chaos. It is difficult because we live in different cities, and we haven't seen each other since that night at the bar. But I really like him. And I thought that he was interested - especially since he kept calling me. But I sent an email several weeks ago asking to get together, and he never replied. And now I'm going to be in his city again next weekend. I'd like to see him, but I'm a little confused by his intentions. Should I tell him I'm going to be in town? How long should I wait? He is in the midst of a huge work project and putting in 80 hr+ weeks... Should I call him soon in the hopes of getting on his 'schedule'? I am completely clueless about how to date anymore after so long. I don't want to come on too strong, but I also would like to see this guy again. Is he calling less because he's lost interest or because he is overwhelmed by work and life right now?

VictorM's advice:

He might have lost interest, yes. Our brains infuse our bodies with all kinds of chemicals when we first meet a woman we find attractive. For a few days we are in haze filled with images of great legs, sexy hair, perky boobs, bubble butts, and the sweet scent of women. We visit, we call, we email, we can't stop thinking of you. Then, oops, we realize you also have brains and a mouth that talks and talks! And then the real test begins. Many times, the haze lifts, reality hits, and we run for the hills leaving you females wondering what the hell happened. If you read my archives, you'll see tons and tons of questions that start like yours.

In your case, we may not be sure exactly where he stands but even if he works 80+ hours a week, he still has a few minutes to make a phone call, particularly during the courtship phase. He ceratinly did early on. It's possible, likely even, that he has seen past your bar look and has lost interest.

Tell him when/where you're going to be and that you'd like to see him. Give him a wide enough range of hours to allow for flexibility. If he can't make it, chances are he has lost interest.

But for future reference, don't get all giddy about the initial reaction of guys. It's common to get an early flurry of attention only to have it disappear. And try not to take it personally when they lose interest. After all, the odds of finding the right person easily are neither in your favor not theirs.