Mariana, 22, from Argentina, asks:

hi =) first of all, thanks for the advice. I said I was going to talk to him and I was about to, but somehow he jumped ahead. I was going to tell him I couldn't stay in a relationship where I didn't special and blah blah blah. Imagine my surprise when I met him: HE wanted ME to break up with him! How come? To sum up a long conversation, he basically said he wasn't good enough for me. He said he wasn't saying this because he didn't care for me, but because of that he knew he wasn't good for me.

Sounds like the "it's not you, it's me" classic. I would have thought so too if it hadn't been for the fact that at the end of the day, after we both said what he had to, he asked me for a 2nd chance to show me that he really has strong feelings for me. Apparently his family and friends think I'm a good and serious girl who's focused and responsible and they don't see him that way. And yes… he’s stupid and lazy enough to believe that.

I gave him the 2nd chance and now he's really trying. I'm not assuming he’s an insecure guy. I know it from all the stuff he told me the other day. I’m insecure too, with very low self-esteem and I never fell in love with anyone because I keep holding myself back . He’s also holding back (he told me about some red roses he bought for me one time and never dared to give them to me, for example) and the point to this whole chapter is to ask how do I deal with someone who’s insecure? Because I’m too proud sometimes but on the other hand I don’t find pride as a bad thing in general. I just don’t know where the line is. Help?

VictorM's advice:

His family thinks you're a nice girl? Do they know you're a Vélez Sársfield supporter? (Kidding!!)

Well Mariana, from comments you've made in this blog and in the ARGville forum, I can understand why he's insecure around you. I know you say you have self=esteem issues, but that doesn't come across in your statements. You do seem very intelligent and thoughtful. I can understand why it's a bit difficult for him to believe he's good enough.

But as you described your conversation with him, I can understand his thought process. When pondering the situation alone he feels overwhelmed by you and the easiest (remember, he's lazy) way out is to break-up with you. But, I suspect your guy is quite bright too, so when he's actually talking to you, he realizes that losing you would be dumb. So he asked for a second chance and is trying harder.

You can help him build his confidence around with you sincere and short compliments. Find topics he's very good at (math, science, sports, etc.) and bring those topics up from time to time giving him the chance to prove how much he knows. Then compliment him... "how do you know all that?" "You're so amazing", "That is so smart", "I'm so impressed"... that sort of thing. And yes, the word "so" (or the equivalent in Spanish) is very important. Also, if there are things he feels inferior or inadequate about, try to boost his confidence in those areas, but make sure you're sincere about it.

Feeling that he's impressing you will probably be the biggest boost to his confidence.

PS. Congratulations on Argentina moving to the number one spot in the world according to FIFA's rankings.