LILA, 30, from EUROPE, asks:

PLEASE HELP!!! I hanged out with a guy for five months. All we did was go out, eat, go to the movies, and talk about our divorced parents and our psychological and other problems in general. Never had sex or any other physical kind of relationship but there was some kind of romantic air between us. One day he met a girl and she proposed to him to have sex the first night he met her and so he disappeared without any call or message. I called him and asked him out but he refused and gave as an excuse that he is too busy. A month later I learned from his mother that they separated and that their relationship was purely sexual and that he has feelings for me. The thing is I am hooked on him. I love him and I want him back not just as a friend but as a lover as well and he knows that. I understand that since we had no sex he looked for it someplace else but he never asked me whether I wanted to have an erotic rather than a friendly relationship. I cannot understand men. Why did he not just ask for it? We have a strong emotional bond but I'm afraid he is not attracted to me physically because I am fat. I am afraid to start a relationship all over again because I feel he is going to dissappear again and do the same with the next girl available to have sex with. Any opinions on what should I do?

VictorM's advice:

I can understand why he could have sex with another girl but not with you for reasons that have nothing to do with him not finding you attractive. Guys tend to separate girls into the type they would like to get serious about and girls they simply would love to fuck. Having sex with the first kind of girls complicates everything because it can't be just sex; it would be an emotional investment, one he may not be willing or ready to make yet. The second kind of girl is much easier to have sex with, simply because he knows he can walk away without guilt.

Maybe you are imagining that "there was some kind of romantic air between us" (it sounds too romance novel stuff to me), and maybe his mom is telling you what she thinks you want to hear or what she would like to happen (assuming she likes you). Maybe, just maybe, this guy likes purely as a friend. Maybe it is so because of your weight (that's something only he really knows) or simply because we humans are destined to only fall in love with a few people in our life time among the billions on the planet, and to him you're not one of those few.

Bottom line is he's entitled to like you as friend, not as a lover, no matter how much you'd like it to be different. And if that's how he thinks about you, sex will not be part of the equation.