Claire, 24, from United Kingdom, asks:

Hi there. Okay here goes!

I have been in a 'buddy' thing with my ex from three years ago for about 6 months now and I have to say we are more and more explosive in the bedroom the more we get together. He knows I want more from him and I know he's said he's not rushing another relationship ever again because of bad ones in the past and that he's not ready for another one at the moment but that 'you never know', it would just be if and when he's ready so to keep it fun. He never tells me how he feels but he has started to do things like pick me up in the air to kiss me, grinding like a cheshire cat before I leave his house and stroking my back when we are watching TV and making me text him to make sure I get home (I live 5-minutes walk and drove to his house so I don't get why he wants that!). He also held my coat for me to put it on the other night at his house (the only place I see him), I was that shocked I didn't realise what he was doing until he said (whoops). He is keeping what we are doing a secret from everyone so that I don't get called names but said he's not ashamed of me he just doesn't want people knowing his business (he's one of the "I don't let my feelings out people" and he got stick when we were together because people think I'm too good for him). He knows I accept him how he is. Oh, we broke up previously because he wasn't ready (he was only 21/22 nearly and I was just 21) really I don't think we should care anymore but there's always been something there even though I didn't sleep with him the first time around (dunno why!) anyway.... story over....

Do you think I should just let him have time to figure out what he wants, not rush him into anything and just go with the flow and fun at the moment and let him decide when he's ready for us to be together properly if thats what he wants?

Or am I just wasting my time?

VictorM's advice:

Let's be clear: you're his fuck buddy. Nothing more, nothing less. As long as you accept that, and that's all you expect, it's your call if it's a waste of time or not.

Your friends can see it (they think you're too good for him and even; I'm sure they have good reasons for saying that ), and it's amazing to me that you're so overwhelmed by a guy helping you with your coat, meaning you have very low standards. Amazing also that you accept his reasons for keeping your sex meetings a secret, meaning you're a very naive young lady.

Nothing will come off this arrangement but sex. Period! End of story!