Someone, 24, from Somewhere, asks:

Hi Victor. I was the one who had the question about what do I do when the chase is over and the guy loses interest.

Well, this questions is about guy #2 from my earlier question. To give you some quick cliff notes, we had been in contact, everything was great, he kept telling me that I am growing on him, then all of a sudden he became busy. I had read your responses to other girls so I figured if he's too busy to contact me then maybe he lost interest. Plus it wasn't just the lack of quantity of his responses but also quality, his messages were not as sweet as they used to be. We are pretty straightforward with one another and when I brought up that he is less warm then he used to be, he said something along the lines of he's busy and and that he plans to be in the state that he's in for a few more years (we are both from the same area but his job took him to another state, he doesn't plan on living in that state forever only for 2-3 years which is fine with me because I will be busy with grad school for the next 2-3 years). After he said that, I was hurt, but didn't show it. I started wondering if he lost interest because the chase was over, etc. I was miserable but I tried to force thoughts of him out of my head. Well a week or so passed and last night he texts me with this message: hey cutie, haven't forgotten you by any means. Finally finished moving into my new place. Wanna rub a dub together? :). He also texted me with aww, miss seeing ur smile. I am so confused, help me understand what to make of this because just when I was trying to forget about this guy that I have very strong feelings for, he throws me for a loop with these messages.

PS.: I came to thinking that it is probably necessary to add some external factors about the guy I have questions about whom I'm interested in. One thing about him that bugs me is that he used to be in a long term relationship and him he and his ex are still really great friends. Exes belong in the past and part of me wishes he broke up on bad terms but anyway what could you do. I see them commenting on each other's wall or him posting albums with groups of friends that includes pics of him and his ex. I brought up my concerns in the past and let him know I don't want to be his rebound and he told me, been there, done that with the rebound. The other factor that bugs me about him is that a friend of mine warned me that he's a player and that in the past he used to hit on her as well. She said him and his ex always break up and get back together. I slightly touched on the fact that was was called a player by this one girl and he said she is not really his type and they don't think the same. I really don't know but I do have my suspicions about him being a player or maybe still wanting to get back with his ex after all, they've been together forever.

VictorM's advice:

Exes don't have to break-up and become enemies, but staying very close friends as you describe? Not a good sign. Between that, him being "busy", his frequent break-ups and reconciliations with his ex, and his player reputation, you have quite a few red flags dangling in front of your nose. A sensible reaction would be to walk away. But matters of the heart aren't always sensible.

If you act on those red flags and rule him out will you wonder if you did the right thing? Unless you're 100% convinced now that he's not the guy for you, give him another chance and remove any doubt. Even if things go wrong again, the heartache that will follow for a while will be easier to endure than a lifetime of wondering "what if". Chances are that in the long run you will not regret giving him another chance, but you might regret not having tried again.

Either way you go, your eyes are open now. Proceed with caution.